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Monday, August 6, 2007


One day I woke up and all I feel was laziness.

I can’t even drag myself to go down stairs to take my breakfast. It was Monday. The day most detest, the day called the first workday of the week. After eating, I take the bath that I wish would last a lifetime. The flowing water over my head and to my body just soothes what I really feel inside.

Yesterday, I felt like my body is tortured by the medieval guillotines yet I never felt any single pain of that neck twisting thing. Or maybe I could compare it to the accidents that happen in the roads where a truck runs over into the public fx taxi I am riding and I get the most damaged, like broken bones, multiple lacerations, mangled veins, and blood all splashing all over yet even a single bit of it I cant feel.

Upon arriving at the office, I am greeted by my rotating chair and I imagine myself tied to it and thrown into the deep see yet I do not even struggle to breathe. I just wanna close my eyes and hope that I will feel anything just to feel it, feel the pain inside and let it out. Problem is no matter what I do it seems that it is not there, pain wont make me feel what should I be feeling, what should I be going through. I cannot even cry anymore all; I could do is stare at the white ceiling of my room during nights of no company of slumber.

There are times that I could have jump of the edge of the building and let my head hit the floor first, or maybe I could have slash my wrist and wait for the moment to just slip away like that. Nevertheless, I can’t do it, I just can’t. I wanted to end it all. All the pain that is in every part of my soul, my mind, my heart, and my body are there but I am just so numb to fell any.

Then I wake up again one day and realize that it is still Monday. And there it goes again the same cycle of internal pain that I cannot fell. The plans to just end it all but I cant do it, and the sleepless nights staring in the white ceiling.

Note: The article above is the definition of the writer regarding depression. How about you have you ever define depression in your own words? Maybe it would help if you can put to words how you see depression.

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