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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Independence

“I want to work so that I will be independent,” that was my sisters answer why she wanted to work and not instead take the CPA board exam. My parents kept on insisting that she take the exam first but she didn’t. Why is it that most young adults of today want to be independent?

Independence means you can do want you want and no one can dictate to you what they want, right or wrong? Maybe most of the young adults think this way. They think that there parents are like police who will always tell them that there doing something wrong. They don’t want to be overpowered by other’s will. So they show it when they can stand on there two feet thus working earlier in life instead of doing some things first before they experience the harsh life. A friend of mind reasoned out that she worked while in college to show her parents that she can stand on her two feet and they can give all there love to her older sister which brought problems in their lives. It seems that there is no space between her and her sister. She told me that they even quarreled about small things but as I see it the root of those quarrels is the fact that she didn’t get the attention that she needed. I don’t think she’s jealous of her sister, she is actually wanting of the parent’s attention. She has issues with her mother thus when I told her that she should open up with her mom she said that she did it once but they ended up arguing. Though the deprivation of that parental attention she has grown up to be an independent woman. She has her dreams to fulfill and she is on the way. Hope she still reconciles with her parents and sister and make a united family.

Independence for others commands respect. People will respect you if they see you walking tall amidst all possible problems. They see you as a role model. They were able to lead a life for every one to envy. But most will trace there independence back to there family. They will say that it was through there mom’s guidance in cooking that they learn to be independent. Or maybe it was there kuya that help them sort out things in life while they were young thus they were able to carry out the lessons they learn in the past and apply it to there present lives. Or maybe it was a serious chat with there dad over a drink that made them realize that being independent is a serious thing.

I remember back that independence is not the ability to do anything you want, as we say “this is a democratic country.” Rather it is the ability to coexist with everyone else and respecting each and everyone’s rights and boundaries’ in life. In this way we are actually independent by being dependent on each and everyone’s actions. You may want to do things but put in your mind that you are not violating others rights. Thus you still follow your parents but it doesn’t imply that you are not independent. Soon you will learn why parents are so persistent in telling you things to do; they don’t want you to commit the same mistakes they have done. I know you will say that they have a different experience but you can’t blame them, they just love you that is why they act silly sometimes. I am not telling you to follow without question anything they say. What I want you to do is to talk it out with them why you chose this action. It is in that way that we can measure one’s being independence.

Independence commands responsibility. Being responsible about one’s action will make you have a better perspective in life. Maybe sometimes you commit mistakes and those are essential. You must be able to pick up yourself every after your fall and learn from it, from there you gain values that will form part of your understanding of independence.

Life is always a bargaining action. You counter offer in order to get what you want in the terms and conditions which is agreeable to each and every party. I haven’t read yet the book but it is called creating a win – win situation (7 habits of highly effective people). This way everyone is at the same footing and all is satisfied. All can be talk out if all parties are willing to listen and also to speak. Your independence depends on how you will bargain for things in life. Be independent, be open minded.

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Moods

My sister has always been problematic about her hair. She has done so many treatments just to have that perfect fall thing. She says that when her hair is in bad shape she has this bad hair day. She is in this mood that she doesn’t like to go to work, she can’t work or she gets easily irritated because of her hair.

What really affects our mood? Do you wake every day being greeted by your mood and when it is not good your day is ruin? Maybe last night you quarreled with your girlfriend or wife, you got a “crap or bullshit” from your boss, or you where just too tired yesterday that you just would like to stay home and sleep all day to compensate for the bad day yesterday. You feel unproductive and grouchy. Maybe you would just like to go to mall and do window shopping or watch a movie. Maybe you would just like to eat ice cream till your heart’s content. One’s mood affects one’s productivity and disposition. A bad mood will ruin your day.

So there is one thing I would like to suggest. Instead of waking up in a bad mood why not choose to wake up in a good mood, the one that they call “in the mood.” Maybe if you start the day right you would be happier or healthier than your current state right now. You could choose to be happy so that you can finish your work earlier and be able to go back home on time to have that beauty sleep so that you wont have those eyebags. Instead of blaming the traffic when you are late why not beat the traffic, leave your house earlier. Try to understand traffic flow in the morning. Know the best time to leave the house so that you will arrive on time or earlier in the office. As they say if you can’t beat them join them.

It is your choice on how your waking affects your mood. You and only you can make that move to make your life better. Every day you should practice to choose to be happy. Always have that smile ready to great the world. If you smile at the world, the world will smile back at you. If you open your doors to accept everything God’s blessing will cone rushing in to you.

Got that bad hair day? Smile and it will be managed and it will look beautiful. Just imagine that your hair is beautiful. Let your imagination take your mood to the good side. Just like the local radio tag line, it’s all in the mind. It’s your choice to be happy; it is your move to be positive. So walk tall and show your smile.

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Maturity

How mature are you in dealing with things in your life? Being capable of self restraint in arguments may be a sign of maturity. Giving way to the other could also be a sign of maturity. They say mature people knew how to conduct themselves in every unlikely scene or occurrence.

Maturity signifies that a person has discipline. He or she knows when to do or not to do things. They say that when you are mature enough you would understand. This very line bewilders youngster just like me back then. We see other people smoking and drinking and they say you can’t do this because you are not yet mature. Some are watching pornographic movies if you peek in what they are watching they will shun you and say that you are not yet mature. Is maturity then a ticket to do adult things?

Age and experience cultivates maturity in a person. The experiences one acquires as one age makes the person more inform to pass judgment thus one formulates mature decisions. I do remember when I was still young that I can’t join the conversations of my older siblings or cousins because I was still young. Today as much as possible I try to get involve what is being talked about in the family and any gathering. Sometimes I post a question that sets their minds to thinking. I can see in their faces the “what if’s” and “because” faces. As people grew older they create a set of beliefs that for them makes them a mature person thus in the end we all say that every one has his or her own opinion. It is in an open forum where each and every single member is given a chance to listen and to speak what he thinks. From this scene we can see the true mature person, those that are ready to acknowledge their mistakes and those who are ready to listen to others opinion. They don’t react defensive and be in “save my skin mode”. They are those who have open minds and wide understanding. Their actions are carefully plan but not measured. They act according to what is a better option than that to act to be of advantage.

We fight a battle in our life. The outcome of this battle is still unclear but being able to accept defeat and rise up again and learn from one’s mistake makes one mature. Maturity then is about learning about life. One has reach maturity when one knows what to do best for a situation which poses a choice to do a wrong or a good thing.

In my life I did some stupid things. Many thought I am a very good person. I am not. No one in this earth is perfect. What differentiate a mature person from an immature person lies in the learning experience in a failure. As they say “Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.”

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Appreciation

I remember back then the sermon of a young deacon in one of the Misa de Gallo. His topic was about why we celebrate the coming of Jesus. The line that struck me most was when he said as I quote, “You cannot appreciate the beauty of the Christmas lights unless you experience darkness.” I think a classmate of mind in college mention this to me already. How will one appreciate things? On what standard does one base one’s appreciation?

We Pinoys have this maxim that we remark when one losses a chance, “Nasa huli ang pagsisisi.” Relating it in the quote above, it is when we lose the chance or thing that we appreciate its value. The two quotes quite work the same. Let me discuss first about the chance that was miss. What if you were presented with an offer to work abroad for a higher pay but in exchange for it you will be separated with your family for let say 5 years and you decided not to pursuit it, people will tell you that you let that chance pass and you might regret that decision after you start to have money problems. You will always look back and imagine what might have your life been if you have grab that chance. You might have probably sent your children in the top schools of the country, or you might have built your family a nice house. You tend to miss it and regret it telling yourself that the 5 years being away with them is part of the sacrifice to get a better life.

On the other hand let us discuss the other quote. Most people who nearly have everything are sometimes restless. They have set their standards so high that they don’t see appreciation in the simple things. I will present you comparisons. A kid who was born with a silver spoon would be thrilled if you buy them the latest toy car, what he or she likes is the hit toys just like that of his or her friends. Maybe it could be an Xbox 360, PSP2, or it might be even be Nokia’s N95. For a simple kid who has never had a toy in his life will appreciate if you buy him a toy truck you just bought at Divisoria or any mall at a sale price. I tell you he or she won’t lend it to any other kid because he puts importance in it.

The lack of or forbearance of a thing or moment creates in us the appreciation emotion. We put value to things that we miss or we never have. That is why it is good to have reunions. In a reunion we look back at the past and we appreciate those moments that we will not be able to put back. We appreciate the things that could have happen if we went the other way and experience those precious moments.

Appreciate every day that you have. God never wants you to suffer. Each and every moment in your life is God’s gift to you. It is up to you wether to appreciate it or not.

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Bosses

They are the honchos of the company. They are the lords of the workplace. You have a different treatment for them. They are the priority in certain company occasions. In case they needed or ask you something it is always urgent. You see them coming late, leaving early, most of the time going out for lunch, sometimes going out during office hours, and you make reasons to the callers why he cant be reach during office hours.

Who are they really? Most of them they are the owners of the company, some are the stockholders, others are friends of the owners, some are former employees of the owner or other bosses from their former company, and the most eye popping category, the COO, that is Child of the Owner. They are like the Roman conquerors and the Spanish colonizers. Every word they utter is a law to be followed. The things I enumerated above are the typical boss characters, I have only talked about the fifty percent of the story you might point out to me that I have a wrong observation.

Some bosses are actually good natured. They are not what we termed “Bossy” kind of boss. There are those who can sit beside you and talk about your family problems. Some even lends you their personal money in case you are in really dire need of cash during enrollment and sickness of your child times. There are those who share the same passion as you are thus you can talk just like pals and enthusiast. There are those who treat every employee as their family member thus you get gifts on your birthday, Christmas, or even volunteer as your child’s “Ninong” in baptism or in wedding.

They say that a good leader carries his subordinates. Applying this idea I therefore theorize that a good boss can be judge through his or her employees. If his very subordinates are well organized and works well there you have a good boss. A good leader can unite a group of disorganized people. He or she can break the differences between and among people and lead those in achieving the set goals the group is ought to do, doing things in an efficient and orderly manner. A leader therefore must have charisma and patience. He must be well verse since he or she will deal with different persons with diverse background. He must be impartial at all times weighing things first before passing judgment.

The very first boss everyone might have faced I think is our parents. So you can see your parents through yourself. I am not implying that your parents are to be blamed for the family’s shortcomings, remember they are just humans they are bound to commit mistakes. Through yourself you can assess on how you will make up for the other part lacking to complete the family. It is through them that you determine your part that you can contribute to make the family whole. It is a complementing thing in which what the other lacks the other fills in. Just like an efficient team in the workplace, a team is always built in the house once there are good bosses or parents.

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Family

“That is what family is.” My brother-in-law remarked while my other siblings and my niece and nephews where leaving for their respective homes. We just have some kind of family reunion and my sister’s thanksgiving for passing the US Pharmacy licensure. We all had a great time. Everyone was happy.

Maybe you already heard this definition of family, “Father and Mother I Love You.” How is your family? I don’t have the statistics but most of people I met today came from broken family. Many times I meet person with a family where each and every member understood each other. Most of the time, the father is not with the family because he has another woman or family. Or one of the siblings has rebelled against the parents. In some situation the children are not close to their mother or father who has work abroad for so long just to give the family a good living. Some those of my age are unwanted pregnancy back from college. Due to the inability to support or commit and the hatred of their respective families the parents of the unwanted child are always in constant war blaming each other and wish that they never met and at all.

To unite a family love is not enough to unite husband and wife. Many couples always put the blame to money but in reality money is not the problem at all. Besides the fading affection, the lost of respect is the common reason why families break up. Yes it is not enough for a man to feed his family and also it is not enough for a woman to be always ready to serve her husband and children. As I see it most people of today get married because of financial reason. Don’t get me wrong but I think most women do marry men who have something than to end up with someone who only has the promise of giving the stars and moon of the skies. Why you ask? It is security that matters most now a day.

Men on the other hand want someone who will serve them and fulfill all their needs. There were stories where a man separated with his wife due to her inability to conceive. I think it is even a ground for annulment. Men wanted to be treated like a king. He wants to dominate the house that is why there are so many men who resort to drinking and gambling when they feel that their wives are overtaking them. It hurt their ego to see that there queen has more powers in the house especially when the wife is the provider of the family. I had this one theory why many men are falling for prostitutes. Men who drink and sleep with prostitutes are those who cant find satisfaction with their wife because there wife don’t pay attention to them or that every time he comes home all he hears are his wife’s complaints and suspicion and constant comparison with their neighbor who just bought a new plasma tv and why cant her husband cant just even bring her to a fancy restaurant some time. He prefers the prostitute who hugs him and talks with him in the bar and who would fulfill his sexual desires than with his wife that only always talks and talks.

Next will be the children. Children these days are so demanding and spoiled. They won’t go to school if they don’t have this and that. They won’t study well unless you promise something in return. They stay up outside late when you tell them that they can’t stay up late as in “pasaway.” They do stupid things and you end up covering for their deeds to hide the shame and so many other things. I have another theory again on this. The children of today are the product of the parents holding back in the past. To think of it the youngsters of the past were always obeying their parents back then because they were afraid. They don’t want to be scolded or be renounce by their very family. The family’s name should not be brushed with shame or else they would lose their right in the family’s wealth. These feeling were hidden for so long that when they have their own children their children put those out right in there very face. I am not putting the blame to the grandparents, what I am pointing out here is that the children of the past didn’t know how to express their feelings thus those resentments were manifested to their children. The children of today on the other hand also don’t know how to express themselves because their very own parents are acting like their grandparents. They should know best on how to deal with it because they experienced it thus their children either goes to drugs, rebel, and end up with bad company because the parents never knew how to listen to them.

Now how can one then have a perfect family? But before you say something one word of caution, there is no such thing as perfect marriage and family. If you had a perfect family you are not here on earth you might probably in heaven. Problems will always exist. As I once said “life is like a chocnut, you’ll never know the surprises that come with it.” You don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or better yet what is happening right now. You also don’t know what your husband, wife, or children are thinking right now. So how will you know that? Communicate with them. It is through communication that one understands the other’s situation. But another caution, in a communication always removed those tags that you are wearing. What do I mean in that? When you talk there is no husband or wife, parents or children, you are always equal. Don’t say but, I tell you that most family can’t talk because they always assume authority. They have this childish thinking “you hurt me so you should be the one who is to say sorry.”
In a communication there should always be a dialogue not “daya at lugi” just what my formator always says back in the seminary.

Each and every part of the family must talk and not argue. Dialogue is a situation where each is given a chance to be heard and also a chance to listen. Often time’s people forget the listening part. They form quick judgment of their husband, wife, and children. The pointing fingers are always quick to blame. Most parents forget that they can learn much from their children if only they would listen. Wives also can learn from listening from their husbands and the other way around. To women what I advice you is to say what you fell and want and don’t linger around by saying things when you can just say it in one word. If you want your husband to kiss you tell him to kiss you and not making other situations and long script.

I am no family councilor. What I advice to each and every family is to form a council within the family. Each member of the family who has the capability can take turns to serve as the chairman to give each and every one a chance to say what he or she has to say and say the sentiments and regrets he or she has. Other members should just listen until one member is done that way avoiding others from jumping into conclusions and defending their turf.

Family is not just the happy parts, it also includes the parts were there will be pain, misunderstanding, and disunity. What is important is that in each of those times the family learns and becomes more united. Those tests should strengthen the family ore. Unity is inculcated by constant practice. Unity is also achieved by understanding the other’s situation and knowing when to give way for others. Respect and understanding are the key things in a united family and marriage just what my sister Liezl said. If you lose respect to your husband, parents or children, you will turn cold on them and as if they never existed every time they pass you. But what I also say is that you should always be positive that no matter how much respect is lost you always look forward to reconcile, to see the hope of reconciliation, and to be ready to accept ones fault. If once you closed your doors there is no turning back. Lines of communication and positive thinking or hoping will eventually make everyone understand. When a family is like this there is no problem that can’t be solve, everything is possible.

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Life

Are you a dreamer? Have you ever have a chance to dream of things beyond your imagination. Have you already pictured the life that you want to live?

I was asked once what my dream or quality life is. Well for me I want to retire at 40 and devote my remaining time to doing things that will help others. If ever I have the chance to have wealth I would tour the world to help anyone I think who needs help especially in the Philippines. I would also do things that I have wanted to do in my life. Learn another language and read good books. You might say I have shallow dreams but I think otherwise. They say that if you keep on working until you die you might have spent all your time suffering without even enjoying the fruits of your labor; that would be a great waste of time. In short enjoy it while you can because life is so short.

On the other hand some people enjoy working. They feel alive when they are working. They want the nerve racking problems they encounter in their offices. They want the tight deadlines and the continuous demand to surpass what has been achieved in the past month. When I was in the seminary our spiritual director once ask me in front of the whole community how I excel in class. I said I enjoy the subject, I enjoy studying. So in order to excel in something you must have enjoyment in it or else you won’t pursue it. The advice of established businessmen to new entrepreneurs is to go to a business that they like and know most. Lack of knowledge and passion are the most common reasons why business fails.

So how will one enjoy his or her life while achieving the dream that one wants? Life will always be a roller coaster ride. You’ll never know when will you be slowly climb to the top or drop fast to the bottom. Be prepared to face what is to come. Plan ahead, if you want to retire at 40 just like me(I hope I do fulfill this dream so that I can fully dedicate my life in serving others in the way that I know)we should start accumulating our savings and correctly investing them so that when we retire money wont be our problem. Enjoy every moment of it. Store those memories in your head because you’ll need them when you grow old. You will be comparing your life back then and you’ll realize how beautiful life was. You’ll appreciate those days your parents were there to guide you. You’ll remember the giggles and teasing with your siblings or your friends. You’ll also cherish those happy and sweet moments with your beloved.

Life is a box of chocnut (just kidding) you’ll never know the surprises you’ll face.

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Love

It is all that matter some say. Others say it’s the thing that makes the world go round. It is the bond that binds us all.

What really is love? What I want to discuss is the romantic or somewhat romantic kind of love. I say somewhat romantic kind of love since sometimes friends are in this kind of love and yet they are not as we think about. Right now I am listening to Sitti’s version of “I didn’t know I was looking for love”. In order for me to fully discuss this topic I think I would best start it by describing the feeling when you fall in love.

When you are in love based on my experience and on the stories I heard, you are crazy.
You just can’t stay and do nothing to be near the person of your affection. You smile when your idle mind suddenly thinks of the person. My sister is lurking around right now that I am writing this topic and she says that I am inspired. I cast a dubious and questioning eye on her and she says I am guilty of being inspired. Maybe I am in love because one of the symptom of being in love is that you are defensive and kind the aggressive if somebody else sense it in you not because you don’t want to be teased but you want to keep a secret from your center of affection. I have rare moments of emotional state because most of the time my mind is preoccupied with work. You feel happy even in the midst of unhappy times. Thus you are like a drunken person.

Love brings out the emotions in you. As the song goes “I was coy but you make me candid”. People have inner selves that are not brought out because of the barrier one places to protect one’s emotion. Love removes that barrier because when one falls in love he or she feels protected by the counterpart person. You tend to open up your very self to the object of your attention that is why when the relationship comes to the dreaded part of parting ways it is always a war. The other will accuse the other of things that are not true and the other will defend himself or herself by counter attacking. As I quote most text messages I received from friends “it is when you are hurt that you have truly loved.”

I already heard of some breakup stories. Some breakup or cool off mostly because of a third party. Others would reason because they have lost the affection towards their significant other. Some would say cultural and emotional difference, status and background difference, and age difference. Some is that they are so use up with the same routine in their relationship; while others because they are taken for granted.

I have also heard of surviving relationship after such breakups. They say that their relationship has surpassed the test of fire and that no matter what other hardship they will face they will remain strong. They can’t stand it when they are separated. Others say that if you are meant for each other you both end in the altar no matter what happens.

Others have sacrificial love. They let go to make their beloved happy in the arms of the other’s love. They are willing to have a miserable life for the sake of that beloved. Others will fight for their love against all odds. They would risk everything just for the love that they both cherish. Most movies have this kind of formula.

What if you already fell out of love and yet your guy or gal you left hold on and never let go. I heard this kind of relationship which they call open relationship. In this type you are open to be with someone else as long as you don’t commit yourself with that one because you have a relationship (I hope I got it right). This kind I think is not good. Both are in the losing end because if chances are that the other finds another the other will still hold on. It might not be good for the new one thus causing conflicts between the three of you.

Is it the feeling of being pampered or surrounded with outmost care that one loves to be loved? Is it the being the envy of others because you have a princess or a knight in shining armor which everybody would wish for? Is it the feeling of security in the strong arms of the man or the soft caring hands of your woman? The feeling of being in cloud nine or the feeling of being the luckiest person makes you go crazy with love.

But love is not just the feeling. I once heard a priest’s homily about love. According to him as I remember love is a choice. Choosing to be with someone in spite of the many differences and in spite of all the objection of the relationship and yet you stay in it. Each and every one of us has free will to chose who we want to love romantically. Our choices might give us the feeling that we want or lead us licking our own wounds, hurt and devastated. Up to what extend will you love if you know that there is a possibility that it won’t be the thing that you want?

So how will one love? I suggest love freely and truly. You can choose. So don’t be in a hurry to be with someone but at the same time don’t play with other people’s heart. Give your full love to the person in a way that won’t bar your judgment. Most people are blinded by love thus they suffocate their love one thus she or he will ask for space. Knowing a person in ordinary ways is not enough. You should know him or her in the most extraordinary moments. In this extraordinary situation their true identity comes out. Love to live. It is not just your choice but the choice of the other person.

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Traffic

“Only in the Philippines” that’s what they say when foreigners would bear with us the rush hour drama of every day Filipino life. My office moved last October and the additional distance means additional cut in my sleeping time so that I woke up early in the morning to catch my train. From my apartment I have to ride the jeepney bound to Cubao and drop off Gateway Mall to walk to the MRT station which is in Fairmart. From there I ride the train to stop at Ayala station so that in turn I can ride the Fort Bus so that I will be at the area early in the morning. If I left my apartment an hour before work starts I will be caught in traffic especially in the MRT train where you don’t know how you will be able to get in due to the jump pack situation everyday.

That is just my morning ride. The other is when I go back home. I am fortunate when my officemate will be fetch from the office from the ungodly hour of our leaving the office but if time comes worst to worst I have to ride the Fort bus which takes time to come in the waiting area and MRT at Ayala station where a kilometer line is waiting for me each night and it will be a miracle when the line is just short. I drop off at Cubao station to take jeepney ride to rest back at home. Though this traffic is kind of annoying there were moments when you enjoy the ride.

There were times when the train is empty and you can grab a seat and enjoy the smooth ride of the train. You will be able to see the giant billboards along Edsa and laugh at catchy lines or the seductive pictures of endorsers. Or you will notice that a certain person is always on the same ride that you are catching thus it seems that you are as we call it “classmates” in that ride. There are times when you see someone from your high school years, elementary years, and a friend of your siblings, and somebody else that has been a part of your life.

Sometimes I have some friends who happen to be on the same way thus we spent the ride together and talk about our office work, the happenings in the office that day, and sometimes our personal lives. I f in case the train has been always full one of my friend suggested that we take a round trip. We rode the train on the other side and at the last station we let the others leave and we take their seats thus we have seats going to Cubao. We usually joke or tell our stories while enduring the added travel time but its okay; it is worth while time spending specially with people you trust.

Yes we have a worst traffic situation. The important thing is that you enjoy the ride. As one text message said “though we have bumps and turns the important thing is that we enjoy the ride of our lives.” Our lives will always have this certain traffic; it is we that decide when this ride would be happy. Enjoying it would be a good idea than to rant and blame others. Live life to the fullest and ride your way to your drams!

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Lies

Have you ever experience discovering lies of a person you mostly trust? It may be from your best friend, your brother or sister, your parents, your girlfriend or boyfriend, your officemate or boss, your church leader, or somebody you didn’t think would do such a thing. Were you stunned? Were you shocked? If your discovery will lead to a bad thing will you tell it to someone, shut up, or go to the person involve and confront him or her to tell it herself before others get hurt.

Trust is one of the most important things when we deal with people. If no one trusts you, you will be bared from so many opportunities and unimaginable possibilities. The details I will dispose below are juts my ideas. They are not actually true just may idea which I observed or heard from the current streams of information. Any of my examples are not made to pinpoint someone that you and I may know but just for example sake based on my observations and deep thinking.

Case 1: Cheating husband or wife, girlfriend or boyfriend
What if one day your partner was late or never came to your agreed meeting time or place and suddenly reason out that there was something at the office or at home. Or maybe for most married people your partner is always out of the house and reasons out the tonnes of work he or she has to do or something came up at home or school thus he or she can’t come. Then your suspicion rise and you investigated and found out that your partner is having an affair, how would you react to this situation. Maybe if you are watching Grey’s Anatomy like me you’ve watch the hanged underwear in the bulletin board episode. Would you the same by exposing the entire secret affair for all to know and act as if you didn’t know it. Hard to tell doesn’t it. Or the common story your best friend and your partner has an n affair under your noses. I think that more hurts thus most soaps do this story. Which will you chose to save your friendship or your relationship?

Case 2A: Office affairs
What if you found out that one of your officemate is doing some other job with your boss. What if one day you accidentally saw your officemate playing fire with the boss? How would you feel toward your officemate or your boss? Will you blow the whistle and share it to your other officemates. What if because of that affair that officemate of yours got promoted instead of you will you cry foul? I read once from a magazine, I think it was my sister’s Cosmo(yes I do read a lot even women’s mags for information), in the Darkest secret section that a newly hired girl in an office dress seductively and she got her boss fired up those they ended up doing it in the boss’ office during office hours. What if this girl was your officemate and after staying in your company for only a month got promoted by passing you. Wouldn’t you protest and shout out what you have seen?
Case 2B: Office money embezzlement
One day you were checking the office bank accounts and your eye caught an unusual transaction which was not in your bank statements but was recorded in your company books and upon tracing it was craftily manipulated thus ending up a balance bank and book records. You thought it was done only once due to unavoidable circumstances of need but your further investigations leads to an amassed amount that you didn’t think such person would do. Would you report this to your supervisor or your boss? Or you would shut up because you were afraid that the issue of security was not made and at the end the fault will be place in you because your boss was not able to justify such events to the higher bosses. You are caught in the middle aren’t you?

Case 3: Family secrets
What if one day you found out that your parents done something very bad in the past and they move in to your new place before you were born so that they could escape the shame and punishment of their past. Would you shun away from them and try to avoid the surging of the idea in your head every time you in front of them or you will tell it right in there face that you knew it.

Case 4: Secret of a high performing classmate
It is common story in most TV series. The schools top student was actually cheating. This particular student was performing way to far from most of the class and you were just the lowly second place. Most of the schools’ top professors highly commented this student and you were just a second rate for them. And in the dark areas in the school you discovered that this student has an accomplice inside the registrar or any school department that allows this student to have access to questions of every exam thus he or she knows the correct answer to each question. Will you allow this to happen and be berated or will you stand up and fight for your place.

I think I have no more space to write all the lies that you and me can see. Above are just the common things I observed. The question now is what will you do?

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Animosity

I went home in our little barangay in Pangasinan to participate in electoral process. I woke up early in the morning to catch the bus from Quezon City and go to the five hour ride. It was long ride back home. It was Sunday and election day will be the next day. They call those times “Dark hours,” it was the time were all candidates give all they can to win the seat; even doing the worst of worst things.

My family has been in politics for a long time. My father was the barangay captain in the past, my uncle was appointed Mayor of the town after the EDSA Revolution, my cousins were barangay captain in nearby barangay, my other cousins were councilors of the town, my two brothers were SK chairman successively of our barangay and the older brother even became the SK President of the our town thus gaining a seat in the Municipal council as an ex-officio, and my brother in law serve as the Vice mayor and three consecutive term as mayor. What is my point in enumerating all this; that I am fed up with politics. I have seen the worst of it and the worst that it can do to people.

Voters then in our town were dignified person. You can’t easily buy their vote. As the time goes on I have seen politics grew its sharp fangs. Back then when I was young all candidates do was to go to each house shake hands to voters giving their “tarhita” and ask for your vote. It is usual to attack the opposing candidates during the “meting de avance.” That was all but as I grew up there came the 2 kilos of rice per household, the 4 payless & 2 cans of sardines per voter, the bag of groceries per household, the Php 50 per voter, the 200, the 500, the 700, the 1,000, the 1,500 and to this point your life just for that seat.

Politics is the ultimate facelift, it does not only change your face, it also changes the personality not just that of the candidate but also the voter as well. The voters themselves are the one dictating the price of their vote. Sometimes they even have the guts to approach you and demand Php 1,000 for their votes. They never knew the value of their vote. Violence comes during election just to have power. Sometimes Families never wanted to relinquish the seat to others thus every member of the family has already run into the same position for the past decade. This term for the father, next for the uncle, next will be the son or daughter, and when everyone has run and can’t re-elect the wife will be asked to run.

They say Filipino voters are already wise voters. They have already learned and that they have better discernment. But what I saw back in our little barangay makes my blood boil. People are still double faced and easily bribe by money. I see no sense of patriotism. I hated to imagine that this same people that voted for the corrupt candidate will be the one to lead in complaining that their poor and the government is not doing anything to make their lives better. The problem lies not in the person who is in the seat of government but in the minds of each and every Filipino who have done nothing to alleviate and uplift their life and put the blame to the government who they voted. Maybe you’ll say that you never voted for those in power in government but truth is your not doing anything to make sure that the right leader be elected causes all that we see today.

The change we have been waiting for lies not in the hands of those in government, it lies on us who make the whole nation. We make the difference; change starts on us.

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To be or not to be

Most of us are always confused in life. We have to chose between this and that in order to get this or that so that we can be this or that or we can have that or this.Complicated right?Yes life is complicated. I have also suffered such already from the petty things you have to decide on the the most urgent thing you hav eto decide for your life. Sometimes we're afraid that the outcome will not be good. In life we have to make decisions no matter what. The action not to decide is itself a decision. So no matter how hard or how much or how many will get hurt in your decision you must make one. Your life depends on it. I would like you impart what have I learned in my life. Though I'm only 25 going 26(some say to oung , others say I'm old already) I have learned something and I will share to you two things that I learned.

First dont be afraid to make a decision. Why you say so?Because your desicion will be the basis of your life. If you want to go to a certain destination you wont reach that destination unless you decide to make that very first step towards that direction. Most of the time people say I wish I have a better life or I hope I would achieve this. I tell you you wont get thise unless you decide to move and do something. By just saying I wish, I hope, or I will is not yet the decision. A decision is made when a change come into being. Even you want to be rich but you wont even move an inch to make a plan or start a business you wont get rich. Most people are like this. They state it and do nothing about it and when time has alredy passed they would say they missed an opportunity.Kick your butt now and be brave to make a move.

Second is you must narrow your decisions to only to two. Yes having choices is great but it makes it harder to decide. By narrowing it into it is either or, neither nor. Its either you go to the left or the right. That's how simple it is. Many will complain that's impossible or hard.So I suggest that you make a hierarchy of your choices. By doing this you can determine which are just alike and which are entirely not related thus chances are you will end up into just two decisions.

I'm not a life guru. But these things are always just around us. God created the world very simply, it is only us humans who complicated it because of our unquenching thirst for more. If only we could decopline ourselves and enjoy more what we have than yearn for things that we dont have I think the more that we will truly appreciate God's creation.

If you which to comment on my blog why not, mits your choice. God bless!

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My Dad’s Death

It was March 5, 2005 early morning. I barely got sleep from the time I step in the bus bound home. I left Manila around 4:30 in the afternoon and arrived at the hospital around 9 in the evening. He was already in the ICU. With all the tubes just to keep him alive.

He was feared in the family. He was strict. His rules couldn’t be bent. To quote him, “If you don’t want to obey my rules get off my roof,” he often says. He smokes, play cards and gamble to let the time pass, and most of the time he is not home. He has no way of communicating to us. Bridges between father and children are burned down. There was no relationship to the point that the children just avoid him as much as possible. Families will always have secrets. In the fa├žade is a beautiful family but inside are the hurts and indifference between family members.

Every one was there except my sister who was in Guam, my mother, youngest and eldest brother who were at home since they have been watching for the past days already at the hospital. To look at us as his child, in my own opinion, was the one each of us would like to have. A treatment that a person would like to be treated. Maybe because it is of the family my dad have. Those principles he learned in his family is the one he wants to imposed, where parents are authority and children are just possessions. Don’t look at me as a rebel; I was not the rebel in the family. I don’t want to brag but to tell you the truth I am the obedient one. There were instances in my early years I my life that I remember where my siblings argued with our dad. Heated words and mostly disrespect to him was the ending. There were times that he tells us about his life and compare it to our present lives. The problem lies in the way he thinks. He always thinks differently and as my sister says, “he has a closed mind.”

They were expecting that it was his last. He had the stroke last January. Half of his body was paralyzed. When I went home for the Christmas, December 25 to be exact, something unusual happened. Before he went to his pals to play cards he asks me if we could have a drink. My mom was also surprised. So he went in the house and I think he brought out his favorite drink which he has kept for a long time. He asked me to get some Indian mangoes in our backyard to serve as our “pulutan. He was happy that time. We talked about my work, if ever I was drinking in our company functions, about my girlfriend, and about how to have a male firstborn which I think he heard from a doctor who read it from a Reader’s digest or National Geographic magazine. I was about to return to Manila in 2 days since I have to do my job.

My second eldest brother and talked to the doctor who just came in. My dad’s doctor was replaced because she has to go to the US since her father also succumbed to his sickness. As the new doctor goes through the details of my dad’s medical history it seems that he has no hope of recovery, that night was his last. Due to his heavy smoking half of his left or right lung was already gone and the other was ¼ gone also. His kidneys are not functioning anymore, and so many complications brought about by his diabetes.

I arrived home together with my siblings who came home from Manila. My mom was there to tell us all that happened, the hardships they went through in taking care of my dad, the intolerable behavior of my dad when he was brought in & out of the hospital and at home. Silence enveloped our house. Then my sister called around two in the morning of March 5. It was Saturday. My sister told me that dad was gone. I told my eldest brother about it and he was just silent. Then my sister talked to him to arrange for the removal of my dad’s corpse from the hospital. My sister asked me to tell it to our mother. As my brother left the house, my mom was awakened and I tried to tell her in the most humane way. They she cried and sobbed. I tried to comfort her in the best of my abilities.
It was already around 8 in the morning when my dad’s body was brought home. By that time many people has already come to our house to confirm my dad’s death. My dad’s sisters came and they were all mourning. My cousins came and all was crying. As everyone waits I tried to be calm.

We realize that my dad died without making the connection with us his children but more than that the reason why he was not able to connect to us was because he himself cannot find appreciation in his very own home. That is why he went to gamble with his pals and have kept his health a secret. He lived the last days of his life unhappy because he can’t find a way to be with us because we his children never appreciated his efforts to take care of us. We never saw him in that way because what we have focused on was his authoritarian ways of running the family. We never saw the good points that he was trying to impart. Up to now that problem in the family is still there. We seem to have no connection as siblings. Most of the time there is no communication.

My dad died yet the hurt in the family is still there. I want my family to move on but I guess all family has gaps like this. Only time will tell until each family member understand the need of others. I hope that you learned something from what I am sharing. All will go through this kind of pain. But the best part of it is to learn and to keep on struggling to unite one’s family. Talked as often as you can and don’t judge your family members cause you don’t know what really is inside there hearts. They might have a hard time expressing themselves thus they resort to means that we see it on the wrong side. Understanding is the key component in a united and loving family.

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My Lenten vacation

I spend my Lenten holidays in the province and it was a memorable vacation.





I thought most vacationers will be leaving the metro by Wednesday but to my surprise most left on Holy Thursday. So the expected empty bus station turned into a nightmare. I fall in line for nearly an hour just to get a ticket without a bus ready to go. Buses were stranded in the provinces according to the dispatcher. As much as I want to sit down and enjoy the wait, I was in hell waiting for someone to vacate their seats. I forgot to tell you that I left home by about 3:50 am and arrived at the bus station around 4:00. While waiting in the station I was able to glimpse at two familiar faces. My old “kosa” in the high school seminary CAS (Castelo) and Japa (John Paul). We had nicknames back then in the seminary and those nicknames has their own story. Mine was ‘Ju” but that will be discuss in another blog (it's quite to long to explain).We said our hellos and we catch up with our lives. Cas took up Philosophy and continued to Law school. He is currently reviewing for the Bar exams (Goodluck Kosa!!). Japa on the other hand is doing well in his business, selling drugs, guns, and the usual stuff (he’s just kidding, he’s always this funny). After waiting for nearly 3 hours my bus finally came and off I go to my home sweet home.





I arrived home at 4:00 pm (imagined how long have I been in the road). I saw my mom and siblings and cousins and they asked how long have I been on the road and to their disbelief they calculated that I was traveling for nearly 12 hours. It was already late thus action came on the next day. On Friday I woke up early around 5:05 am. I started jogging because of health reasons. So I made my round around Dulag. I was expecting it to finish it in an hour but to my surprise it only took me nearly 15 minutes. The whole day was dedicated for cleaning the house and in the afternoon I joint all Catholics in commemorating the death of our Lord.





On Saturday I still jog and continued my cleaning. In the afternoon, I decided to clean our backyard. While cleaning and replacing the old trash can my mom talked to me. She told me that I came home to have a vacation but all I did since I arrived was to clean. Then tears came to her eyes. I approached her and asked her if something was wrong. She said that if only my dad was around he can see me doing the cleaning and fixing in the house and probably remark that he was proud of me. How she wished that my other brothers was like me I smiled and tried to comfort my mom. O told her that people have different ways in life. I have chosen this way because I think this is the right way. In regards to my cleaning, I do it because I like cleaning and at the same time doing exercise. I was hooting two birds with one stone. I have chosen to live a better life thus I do the things I know is right. Why waste my time in things that are wrong. What benefit will I get from doing wrong? I told her that she should see us all equally and that each of my brothers has there way in dealing with things. She should let them do it in the way that they know.





Sunday is my most memorable day. In the morning while attending the Easter mass I guy sat beside me. Since there was a wedding, the guy had time to approach me and ask me if I knew him. I really can’t think of who he was until he finally said that he was Romelie Escano. He was a classmate of mine back in our younger years in our old elementary school at Dulag. We were able to catch up with our lives. He is now

Cavite

based. It was nice to know that our small barrio school has provided society with citizens like us who even though inspire of the hard life and slow pace of barrio living made us able to cope with the demands of the industry.





My day was marred by this small event in our house. It was because of a burger. My mom and younger brother came home after doing groceries and brought with them burgers for the three of us who were left to take care of the house and my mom’s feeds business. We got our share and my other brother set his share aside so that he has something for dinner. Then he discovered that his share was halved. Enraged with anger he quickly accused it to be the doing of our eldest brother. Then the eldest came and a heated argument. Our youngest told that it was his doing that the burger was halved but the two are already mad. Past feelings and hidden angers came out and the two erupted like volcanoes. From there they fought. My mother tried to stop them but they won’t listen. I came to stop them but the two were strong. My cousins who live nearby came and help me to stop the two. Our older sister came. They tried to reason out with our older brother and sentiments of the past came. Long kept hurts and anger was poured out. There was something wrong in our family since the death of our dad. The hurts in the past, from our dad, from the hard life, and our differences came out. My older brothers’ thinking has already been clouded. My sisters and I talked to him to search out what is really wrong with him. It was his inability to express himself and low self esteem is causing his way of thinking. We tried to talk out the wrong in the family and try to make solutions. I hope all will be alright. Many of our barrio neighbors think that our family is blessed. Most of us have finished our studies. They have high regard of us since we all turned out good.



But to tell you the truth our family is like any ordinary family. No family is perfect. Unless we accept each family member’s imperfection, our family won’t be stable due to different interest and perspective. I hope each and every family member especially those who are older have a wide thinking so that they can make the family stable. I am writing this not to impress you or to make you think that I so down to earth. I want you to know and love each member of your family. Don’t only talk, communicate with each other. Always give each member a chance to say their thoughts and never accused or leave out anyone. Don’t let the hierarchy system be in effect, that is the younger ones and those who are not giving financial support can say something even though they have no contribution. Don’t let the Parent ruling come in. When you talked as a family no one is above neither is anyone below. All is of equal footing. Sometimes each has different language. Thus those who can understand must lower theirs so that all can communicate.

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Help me in my dilema that is causing me a feeling of dilema

Now I got your attention. Actually right now I already feel ok. Yesterday I declined a good job offer from Coke Export. The job will be located in Canlubang, Laguna and the position offered was a Plant Cost Accountant. I just got back from my work in Antipolo City, I did a physical inventory of our explosives stock in the storage sites of our affiliate company. I came straight to Coke's office in Makati since this meeting with the Financce Manager for operations and with their HR was already postponed last Thursday since I just came back also from my work in Rapu Rapu Island, Albay. I was informed about the job offer while I was in Rapu Rapu. Iwas surprised when I was contacted because I'm was not expecting any call from Coke since I was already inform that I underqualified for the position. From that time on I drop off all my chances of being employed by Coke. A few days after that text message my brother in law in Guam came to the Philippines to look after some personal matters in Pampanga(he's from Pampanga) and me and my sister met up with him. He ask if we could help him in his company in Guam since we both have accountig backgrounds. Being without any commitment to local employment(my other application was with Sheel Shared Services but they haven't called me up to now) so I said yes to my brother's offer. We communicated to email and I asked him for the requirements. His lawyer has submitted a list of requirements and I readily provided those requirements then couried them asap. The head hunter who got me for Coke called me around late February and ased me if I can provide her with my latest payslip and 3 references. I was surprised since I dont expect any thing like that because they have already informed me that I was underqualified. But thinking it over my application in Guam might take a while so I gave her the things she needed the next day. I commented to her that I was already informed that I was underqualified and she told me that they have reconsidered me. From there i just left it that way not expecting anything from Coke. Then they called my references. There I was already thinking. If ever they'll hire me how about mt Guam employment. It was already on process. then the call came when I was in Rapu Rapu that I was scheduled for an job offer but I inform her that I am currently on a OB and that I'm not quite sure if I'll be back in Manila by that time. While I was in the Island, I stumbled on a mishandling of cash by our site manager. From there my mind was fixated on this problem. I cam back to Manila and have to report asap about the cash problem. Then my head hunter called me about the meeting I was to have at Coke. I told her that I am on a problem in our office that needs my full attention. The HR of COke also called and all I can do is to tell her that I have this thing in the office. While I was home bound I remenbered my COke job offer, I know its already late and probably its already early dawn in Guam but I managed to email my brother. the next day I went with my work with a divided mind wether to accept Coke's offer or not. Then I got my brother's reply. My application was 100% and if approved I'll be joining them in Guam by Oct or Nov this year. I thought about it. Then I decided to go to Coke see their offer and explain the dilema. I did that. The offer was good. I can earned about nearly half a million pesos in a year and with good benefits. Then the bad part came. I explained to the manager what has transpired and the decision I have come up to. They were stunned and frustrated. I told them that if ever they want to hire me it would be in a short period thus they will be wasting time and money on me since its evitable that I will leave them. The manager agrees with me but I think he was shocked since the position was really immediate because of the reorganization in the company. My head hunter called me while I was going home already and she was also shocked. I know she has a lot of explaining to do to her boss especially the "underqualified thing" since it came from her. I dont reallly blame her for that. She kept on digging on the reasons why I declined the offer because she'll confronted by her boss. I walked her through the events that transpired telling her that I have already said "YES" to my brother in laws offer for a job in Guam. She finally understand it and we said our goodbyes.



Now though I spved the dilema I was into right now I am still thinking. What if my brothers estimate will not come and that I will be able to work in Guam by next year. Lost opportunity right? But I dont want to take advantage of Coke's offer and leave them after taking their money. I dont want to be branded as a oppotunist.



Just want to share to you what's bugging my head. Hope you dont find it boring. LIFE GOES ON, ALL WE COULD DO IS HOPE FOR THE BETTER.

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Have you ever been lonely?

A good day to you my fellow friendsterer! Hope I find you in good spirit in this lovely Sunday. May I ask if it is not that much to ask if have you ever felt loneliness even in a very minimal amount of time?



Though life is suppose to be beautiful we cannot deny the fact that sometimes we feel the inevitable loneliness in our hearts! Maybe you have just broken up with someone you dearly love and as the gap between the present time and that hated day of break-up you feel the sadness in your heart. But that is not what I am feeling now. What I am feeling now is that I don't know how I feel. It pains me to be in this kind of situation were I don't know what to do or how to spend the entire Sunday. Yesterday I was given a chance to share my understanding of the Holy Trinity to a fellow Kerygmafamily Forum subscriber. She's from Indonesia and her problem was that she has no father figure in her life and thus she cannot picture the God the Father and because of that she thinks she is committing a sin. I was awed by this girls sincerity and eagerness to know about God. Yesterday I was very happy to be able to extend and help a fellow human who has a problem even through cyberspace. But right now I feel sadness because of the emptiness that I feel due to the lack of something to do. Today I have gone to my doctor for a follow up check up but it was just a quick time and I am left out doing nothing for the day. I miss the days of chatting with my friends, remembering our college days and teasing whose with and whose broken up in their relation. I hope you don't find my blog boring. I remembered my professor back then when he told the class that after college life would be boring thus one must not stop pursuing their passion and not allow your hands to be empty of work. I guess writing will be the only way I can fight boredom. Tomorrow I' ll be flying to Legaspi for my work. I'll be there for two and a half days. I hope when I'm there this loneliness will be shaken off.





Just want to share a thought to you, I hope you don't find this blog corny. Have a nice day!!


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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Grief

I came home late due to the bad weather. I spent an hour waiting for the bus and took a train ride and rode a jeepney till I finally reach my house. It was Wednesday and it was Grey’s Anatomy’s day in our favorite channel. The episode was about the death of Ormaly’s dad.

Come to think of it, Ormaly is a doctor and he was presented with a situation he faces when one of his patients dies. He takes the place of the love one of a patient and he was place in a situation where he has to face the fact that his dad has no chance of recovery and as a doctor he knew it in the first place yet there is the “love one” in him that wants to reject all explanation. He can’t be the doctor who accepts the fact of death; he is now the son who has to fight that unacceptable truth. His mind will keep on questioning where was wrong.

In our daily lives we will face the same situation. We will be the person who knew the fact but yet we are also the same person who keeps on holding on and wont let go. Things will be difficult to accept yet it will happen no matter what you do. Death and taxes are the two permanent things in the world just like in the movie “Meet Joe Black.” Death is like a thief in the night. It comes when least expected and takes the precious things in our lives, our love ones. Mostly people are unprepared to die. When one learns that there time in earth has come to an end they try to spend quality time with there love ones. As if to compensate for the lost time when they are at work during there son’s first karate match, there daughter’s piano recital, there wife’s birthday, parents anniversary, and so many occasions which celebrates the beauty of life. They will complain why life is so short. They will be regretful of not giving attention. Same too with those who will be left behind. They will think of the what ifs. What if I was there so that mom should have not been knocked down by the door, I should have been there when dad had the heart attack I could have rush him to the hospital, I could have been there to save her.

Life has its end. No matter what we do. We grieve not because we lost someone but because we never had the chance to make a difference in a person’s life when in fact we have all the time to do it. We pity ourselves because we let all the chances we have just pass. One joke my brother said is that when we were still alive cannot afford to sleep in a very soft bed but when we die we are laid in a very expensive casket, gold or silver plated. This is irony of life.

Thus we the living should not let ourselves be drown in grief. It is a fact that we will all die, what makes a difference is how we make the most of our limited living years. No matter how long or how short one has walk the surface of the earth the only thing everyone talks about during the wake is how the deceased live his life. So I advice you not to waste our life, we must go on living and make a difference.

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