Another visit to my friend

If you remember, years ago I wrote about my friend who was accused of something we believe she didn't do. Its been a whole year since then that I visited her and I am guilty about it.Click here to read about it.

It was a nice Saturday morning when I went to see her. As usual I brought some sandwiches and to calm her due to my not visiting I brought some cheesecake. She seated on the other side of the table and it seems I just seen her two days ago. She was never mad or angry at me. She smiles sweetly and it seems she knows something that I am not my usual self and so she says "Today its not me who's gonna tell stories, you are."

I guess she knows me very well. With a big sigh I began to tell her what really happened.

I have so many things to juggle. Work, personal life, and inner self. I told her about my recent work related problem. I was caught in the middle between my bosses. My manager told me to cancel some subscription to cut on cost but the other manager who would be affected by this cancellation lashed out to me. He even mentioned that he has a higher position and that he might ask the boss to fire my manager. Well my first re-action was of course enrage. One because I am just doing what my direct manager told me to do, second if that was the case why lashed out on me. If he has a problem with that he should have ask my manager and they should have argued about it. Why include me in the discussion when what I just did was follow instructions. Yeah bosses; sometimes they think they are so great and they showed be followed like gods. But don't they think that their words hurt other people. I hope that they think first before saying such. They should be humble enough and civil enough to talk things out before firing guns at someone else.My friend was just looking at me listening attentively. I stopped and stared at her at she just told me to go on.

Next one was personal. I have been working and working and it seems that my life is just like that. I'm turning 29 and still single. After a failed relationship of 3 years and a rejected love it seems that I am hanging up my gloves. But no I don't. And that's something that keeps me thinking. Sometimes I wonder what is in store for me. I may have the necessary things in life but sometimes you just cant escape the feeling of needing someone. Also it seems that things are so boring now. Sometimes I just want to let time pass faster. Some days the busy work keeps me company but sometimes that even the work is just like that. It came you did, its done and then what. For the past weeks its seems to get much of my sleeping time, making me awake because my mind is thinking of things as if I am a third person. Me, my mind, and time. This feeling made me lethargic and sometimes restless. As I was saying this to her she clasp my hands. Its so comforting to feel someone is there to be with you when you need them most.

Because of my personal problems my inner problems also surfaces. The demons inside my head started to play me again. I was able to shut this demon in me for quite sometime but due to the circumstances it resurface and starting to overtake my control of myself. My mind begin to wonder and start digging the hidden things in my subconscious. At night it creeps to me and starts to make me things. My mind creates the things that shouldn't be there and my body reacts to it. My friend smiles and told me that I do really need to get a wife. And She mentions St.Paul's First Letter tot he Corinthians. She told me to read 7: 25-38.

The bell rings and its time for me to go. As I was about to stand she tightly hod my hand. She looks at me and she whispered to my ears "Thank you!" Sometimes in life it seems that the most important thing that we have to do is to do our assigned task in life. But I was reminded that sometimes giving someone else a chance for them to do their task is also not bad. That visit made me realize that. I let friend be my friend in the time That I most needed one.

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Fish out of water

I got a chance to be back in the Philippines since my May visit. As I was about to leave the airport there’s this feeling that makes me uncomfortable. It’s kinda a fish brought out of the water. I know I am from the Philippines and yet the moment I step out of the airport it caught me. Probably I have adapted to the Guam atmosphere or it was just that my body clock is still sticking to the Guam time, a two hour difference, thus my body seems to reject the state that it was submerge into.

The last time I came here I asked how the country was after the successive financial blows brought about by the sub-prime woes of Wall Street. Gases were at the Range of Php 40-50, rice is at Php 30-40 range, and minimum jeepney fare is at Php 8.50. The groceries that your Php1, 000.00 can buy was reduced to half as much what you can buy a year ago. I asked the taxi driver I hired and told me that gas prices has already stabled but it would be nice if it would still go down so that at least they can make ends meet. Life here truly seems to be harder than a year ago.

As I step into my old apartment, I felt this uncomfortable feeling of limited space. I know I had live in this apartment for nearly 8 years and yet it seems that I am place in a tiny room were I can’t breathe. The light was dim and it added to my dizzy state. As if the place is too small for four people and yet this very same place served me and my three siblings in our college years. Probably I have not yet adjusted or I have not yet switched my adjustment button to condition my body to this Philippine setting.

I was early the next day to process my POEA clearance. The first observation was that traffic is bad and that everywhere seems to be scathe by the black smoke coming out of buses. Pollution lurks in the city…and yet so many Filipino’s still prefer to live in such place where employment is available. Anywhere you look people are trying there best to survive another day…either the right way or the wrong way. Where in the world will you find a bus still waiting for passengers to come to there bus even the traffic light is green.

Probably I have forgotten the life back in the Philippines. But I realize something in my short vacation, if Guam can do it why not Philippines? Simple traffic rules and yet everyday it is violated. Wages are low but the problem is people are choosy…at the same time unwise in their use of money. They complain that they don’t have enough to survive a day and yet they a have a cellular phone on their hand forward ridiculous text messages. Problem truly is in our Pinoy mentality…our culture of laziness and use of connection to politicians. Things could have been done to make our country a better place to live but we never make an effort to do it….

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