An empty tin can will make a rattling sound. When an empty tin can is pulled or rolled, it will certainly create a noise. Comparing an empty tin can with humans, a person who has so many problems causes that person to continually wail and make complains about how life has been harsh on him. Empty of what?
People have particular needs but above all what people need is love. A drug addict is into drugs because he or she thinks nobody loves him so he uses Mary Jane to make up for the emptiness of love that he feels. People who feel unwanted become insecure of themselves thus they spend money just to make themselves beautiful. They need attention. Everyday they think that the world is against them. They start pointing at people regarding their problem. They blame this and that but one thing they do not realize is that they are the problem. They just cannot accept the fact that they are the problem thus they made a scapegoat to take the blame.
So how will we make the tin can noiseless? Fill it with love. Try to fill your life with love. How? Open yourself to God’s blessing everyday. Yes, God sends sunshine both to the good and to evil. Why does God do such thing? Many don’t understand it. Many are still bewildered at it. Thus, people who thinks God is an unfair God. They start to be noisy like the empty tin can. They think God doesn’t love them. Problem is they never realize that God is a loving God that He even fills the emptiness of those that are bad. He does so because He believes that in the deepest corners of their hearts there is still “conscience” and “longingness” for Him who is the source of all love.
From opening yourself to God without comparing yourself to others move on the second part, that is acceptance. People may be open for things but it doesn’t guarantee that they are willing to accept it. They may receive it but deep down in their hearts they are rebelling. God doesn’t want us to suffer; He wants us to be free from suffering. Problem is we are to attach to what we have grown into. Just like a kid who wont exchange her toy pearls to a real pearl her dad wants to give to her. Lesson is we must be ready to surrender and trust that God wants us to have the blessings that He is giving us. Some people think that they are very sinful and thus they say that they don’t deserve God’s blessing. I disagree with you, as I said God made even the sunshine to shine on all people here on earth no matter how good or evil they are.
Be open and be ready to accept God’s blessing. Fill your emptiness with our Lord's Love don’t reject it, trust Him and submit to His guidance. He wont let you down because he loves you. You are far more important than the birds of the air, though this birds has no strong shelter to be in God protects them how much more you whom He created in His own image.
Be filled and be not an empty tin can.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Empty tin can
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Independence
Independence means you can do want you want and no one can dictate to you what they want, right or wrong? Maybe most of the young adults think this way. They think that there parents are like police who will always tell them that there doing something wrong. They don’t want to be overpowered by other’s will. So they show it when they can stand on there two feet thus working earlier in life instead of doing some things first before they experience the harsh life. A friend of mind reasoned out that she worked while in college to show her parents that she can stand on her two feet and they can give all there love to her older sister which brought problems in their lives. It seems that there is no space between her and her sister. She told me that they even quarreled about small things but as I see it the root of those quarrels is the fact that she didn’t get the attention that she needed. I don’t think she’s jealous of her sister, she is actually wanting of the parent’s attention. She has issues with her mother thus when I told her that she should open up with her mom she said that she did it once but they ended up arguing. Though the deprivation of that parental attention she has grown up to be an independent woman. She has her dreams to fulfill and she is on the way. Hope she still reconciles with her parents and sister and make a united family.
Independence for others commands respect. People will respect you if they see you walking tall amidst all possible problems. They see you as a role model. They were able to lead a life for every one to envy. But most will trace there independence back to there family. They will say that it was through there mom’s guidance in cooking that they learn to be independent. Or maybe it was there kuya that help them sort out things in life while they were young thus they were able to carry out the lessons they learn in the past and apply it to there present lives. Or maybe it was a serious chat with there dad over a drink that made them realize that being independent is a serious thing.
I remember back that independence is not the ability to do anything you want, as we say “this is a democratic country.” Rather it is the ability to coexist with everyone else and respecting each and everyone’s rights and boundaries’ in life. In this way we are actually independent by being dependent on each and everyone’s actions. You may want to do things but put in your mind that you are not violating others rights. Thus you still follow your parents but it doesn’t imply that you are not independent. Soon you will learn why parents are so persistent in telling you things to do; they don’t want you to commit the same mistakes they have done. I know you will say that they have a different experience but you can’t blame them, they just love you that is why they act silly sometimes. I am not telling you to follow without question anything they say. What I want you to do is to talk it out with them why you chose this action. It is in that way that we can measure one’s being independence.
Independence commands responsibility. Being responsible about one’s action will make you have a better perspective in life. Maybe sometimes you commit mistakes and those are essential. You must be able to pick up yourself every after your fall and learn from it, from there you gain values that will form part of your understanding of independence.
Life is always a bargaining action. You counter offer in order to get what you want in the terms and conditions which is agreeable to each and every party. I haven’t read yet the book but it is called creating a win – win situation (7 habits of highly effective people). This way everyone is at the same footing and all is satisfied. All can be talk out if all parties are willing to listen and also to speak. Your independence depends on how you will bargain for things in life. Be independent, be open minded.
Moods
What really affects our mood? Do you wake every day being greeted by your mood and when it is not good your day is ruin? Maybe last night you quarreled with your girlfriend or wife, you got a “crap or bullshit” from your boss, or you where just too tired yesterday that you just would like to stay home and sleep all day to compensate for the bad day yesterday. You feel unproductive and grouchy. Maybe you would just like to go to mall and do window shopping or watch a movie. Maybe you would just like to eat ice cream till your heart’s content. One’s mood affects one’s productivity and disposition. A bad mood will ruin your day.
So there is one thing I would like to suggest. Instead of waking up in a bad mood why not choose to wake up in a good mood, the one that they call “in the mood.” Maybe if you start the day right you would be happier or healthier than your current state right now. You could choose to be happy so that you can finish your work earlier and be able to go back home on time to have that beauty sleep so that you wont have those eyebags. Instead of blaming the traffic when you are late why not beat the traffic, leave your house earlier. Try to understand traffic flow in the morning. Know the best time to leave the house so that you will arrive on time or earlier in the office. As they say if you can’t beat them join them.
It is your choice on how your waking affects your mood. You and only you can make that move to make your life better. Every day you should practice to choose to be happy. Always have that smile ready to great the world. If you smile at the world, the world will smile back at you. If you open your doors to accept everything God’s blessing will cone rushing in to you.
Got that bad hair day? Smile and it will be managed and it will look beautiful. Just imagine that your hair is beautiful. Let your imagination take your mood to the good side. Just like the local radio tag line, it’s all in the mind. It’s your choice to be happy; it is your move to be positive. So walk tall and show your smile.
Maturity
Maturity signifies that a person has discipline. He or she knows when to do or not to do things. They say that when you are mature enough you would understand. This very line bewilders youngster just like me back then. We see other people smoking and drinking and they say you can’t do this because you are not yet mature. Some are watching pornographic movies if you peek in what they are watching they will shun you and say that you are not yet mature. Is maturity then a ticket to do adult things?
Age and experience cultivates maturity in a person. The experiences one acquires as one age makes the person more inform to pass judgment thus one formulates mature decisions. I do remember when I was still young that I can’t join the conversations of my older siblings or cousins because I was still young. Today as much as possible I try to get involve what is being talked about in the family and any gathering. Sometimes I post a question that sets their minds to thinking. I can see in their faces the “what if’s” and “because” faces. As people grew older they create a set of beliefs that for them makes them a mature person thus in the end we all say that every one has his or her own opinion. It is in an open forum where each and every single member is given a chance to listen and to speak what he thinks. From this scene we can see the true mature person, those that are ready to acknowledge their mistakes and those who are ready to listen to others opinion. They don’t react defensive and be in “save my skin mode”. They are those who have open minds and wide understanding. Their actions are carefully plan but not measured. They act according to what is a better option than that to act to be of advantage.
We fight a battle in our life. The outcome of this battle is still unclear but being able to accept defeat and rise up again and learn from one’s mistake makes one mature. Maturity then is about learning about life. One has reach maturity when one knows what to do best for a situation which poses a choice to do a wrong or a good thing.
In my life I did some stupid things. Many thought I am a very good person. I am not. No one in this earth is perfect. What differentiate a mature person from an immature person lies in the learning experience in a failure. As they say “Experience is the hardest teacher. She gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.”
Appreciation
We Pinoys have this maxim that we remark when one losses a chance, “Nasa huli ang pagsisisi.” Relating it in the quote above, it is when we lose the chance or thing that we appreciate its value. The two quotes quite work the same. Let me discuss first about the chance that was miss. What if you were presented with an offer to work abroad for a higher pay but in exchange for it you will be separated with your family for let say 5 years and you decided not to pursuit it, people will tell you that you let that chance pass and you might regret that decision after you start to have money problems. You will always look back and imagine what might have your life been if you have grab that chance. You might have probably sent your children in the top schools of the country, or you might have built your family a nice house. You tend to miss it and regret it telling yourself that the 5 years being away with them is part of the sacrifice to get a better life.
On the other hand let us discuss the other quote. Most people who nearly have everything are sometimes restless. They have set their standards so high that they don’t see appreciation in the simple things. I will present you comparisons. A kid who was born with a silver spoon would be thrilled if you buy them the latest toy car, what he or she likes is the hit toys just like that of his or her friends. Maybe it could be an Xbox 360, PSP2, or it might be even be Nokia’s N95. For a simple kid who has never had a toy in his life will appreciate if you buy him a toy truck you just bought at Divisoria or any mall at a sale price. I tell you he or she won’t lend it to any other kid because he puts importance in it.
The lack of or forbearance of a thing or moment creates in us the appreciation emotion. We put value to things that we miss or we never have. That is why it is good to have reunions. In a reunion we look back at the past and we appreciate those moments that we will not be able to put back. We appreciate the things that could have happen if we went the other way and experience those precious moments.
Appreciate every day that you have. God never wants you to suffer. Each and every moment in your life is God’s gift to you. It is up to you wether to appreciate it or not.
Bosses
They are the honchos of the company. They are the lords of the workplace. You have a different treatment for them. They are the priority in certain company occasions. In case they needed or ask you something it is always urgent. You see them coming late, leaving early, most of the time going out for lunch, sometimes going out during office hours, and you make reasons to the callers why he cant be reach during office hours.
Who are they really? Most of them they are the owners of the company, some are the stockholders, others are friends of the owners, some are former employees of the owner or other bosses from their former company, and the most eye popping category, the COO, that is Child of the Owner. They are like the Roman conquerors and the Spanish colonizers. Every word they utter is a law to be followed. The things I enumerated above are the typical boss characters, I have only talked about the fifty percent of the story you might point out to me that I have a wrong observation.
Some bosses are actually good natured. They are not what we termed “Bossy” kind of boss. There are those who can sit beside you and talk about your family problems. Some even lends you their personal money in case you are in really dire need of cash during enrollment and sickness of your child times. There are those who share the same passion as you are thus you can talk just like pals and enthusiast. There are those who treat every employee as their family member thus you get gifts on your birthday, Christmas, or even volunteer as your child’s “Ninong” in baptism or in wedding.
They say that a good leader carries his subordinates. Applying this idea I therefore theorize that a good boss can be judge through his or her employees. If his very subordinates are well organized and works well there you have a good boss. A good leader can unite a group of disorganized people. He or she can break the differences between and among people and lead those in achieving the set goals the group is ought to do, doing things in an efficient and orderly manner. A leader therefore must have charisma and patience. He must be well verse since he or she will deal with different persons with diverse background. He must be impartial at all times weighing things first before passing judgment.
The very first boss everyone might have faced I think is our parents. So you can see your parents through yourself. I am not implying that your parents are to be blamed for the family’s shortcomings, remember they are just humans they are bound to commit mistakes. Through yourself you can assess on how you will make up for the other part lacking to complete the family. It is through them that you determine your part that you can contribute to make the family whole. It is a complementing thing in which what the other lacks the other fills in. Just like an efficient team in the workplace, a team is always built in the house once there are good bosses or parents.
Family
Maybe you already heard this definition of family, “Father and Mother I Love You.” How is your family? I don’t have the statistics but most of people I met today came from broken family. Many times I meet person with a family where each and every member understood each other. Most of the time, the father is not with the family because he has another woman or family. Or one of the siblings has rebelled against the parents. In some situation the children are not close to their mother or father who has work abroad for so long just to give the family a good living. Some those of my age are unwanted pregnancy back from college. Due to the inability to support or commit and the hatred of their respective families the parents of the unwanted child are always in constant war blaming each other and wish that they never met and at all.
To unite a family love is not enough to unite husband and wife. Many couples always put the blame to money but in reality money is not the problem at all. Besides the fading affection, the lost of respect is the common reason why families break up. Yes it is not enough for a man to feed his family and also it is not enough for a woman to be always ready to serve her husband and children. As I see it most people of today get married because of financial reason. Don’t get me wrong but I think most women do marry men who have something than to end up with someone who only has the promise of giving the stars and moon of the skies. Why you ask? It is security that matters most now a day.
Men on the other hand want someone who will serve them and fulfill all their needs. There were stories where a man separated with his wife due to her inability to conceive. I think it is even a ground for annulment. Men wanted to be treated like a king. He wants to dominate the house that is why there are so many men who resort to drinking and gambling when they feel that their wives are overtaking them. It hurt their ego to see that there queen has more powers in the house especially when the wife is the provider of the family. I had this one theory why many men are falling for prostitutes. Men who drink and sleep with prostitutes are those who cant find satisfaction with their wife because there wife don’t pay attention to them or that every time he comes home all he hears are his wife’s complaints and suspicion and constant comparison with their neighbor who just bought a new plasma tv and why cant her husband cant just even bring her to a fancy restaurant some time. He prefers the prostitute who hugs him and talks with him in the bar and who would fulfill his sexual desires than with his wife that only always talks and talks.
Next will be the children. Children these days are so demanding and spoiled. They won’t go to school if they don’t have this and that. They won’t study well unless you promise something in return. They stay up outside late when you tell them that they can’t stay up late as in “pasaway.” They do stupid things and you end up covering for their deeds to hide the shame and so many other things. I have another theory again on this. The children of today are the product of the parents holding back in the past. To think of it the youngsters of the past were always obeying their parents back then because they were afraid. They don’t want to be scolded or be renounce by their very family. The family’s name should not be brushed with shame or else they would lose their right in the family’s wealth. These feeling were hidden for so long that when they have their own children their children put those out right in there very face. I am not putting the blame to the grandparents, what I am pointing out here is that the children of the past didn’t know how to express their feelings thus those resentments were manifested to their children. The children of today on the other hand also don’t know how to express themselves because their very own parents are acting like their grandparents. They should know best on how to deal with it because they experienced it thus their children either goes to drugs, rebel, and end up with bad company because the parents never knew how to listen to them.
Now how can one then have a perfect family? But before you say something one word of caution, there is no such thing as perfect marriage and family. If you had a perfect family you are not here on earth you might probably in heaven. Problems will always exist. As I once said “life is like a chocnut, you’ll never know the surprises that come with it.” You don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or better yet what is happening right now. You also don’t know what your husband, wife, or children are thinking right now. So how will you know that? Communicate with them. It is through communication that one understands the other’s situation. But another caution, in a communication always removed those tags that you are wearing. What do I mean in that? When you talk there is no husband or wife, parents or children, you are always equal. Don’t say but, I tell you that most family can’t talk because they always assume authority. They have this childish thinking “you hurt me so you should be the one who is to say sorry.”
In a communication there should always be a dialogue not “daya at lugi” just what my formator always says back in the seminary.
Each and every part of the family must talk and not argue. Dialogue is a situation where each is given a chance to be heard and also a chance to listen. Often time’s people forget the listening part. They form quick judgment of their husband, wife, and children. The pointing fingers are always quick to blame. Most parents forget that they can learn much from their children if only they would listen. Wives also can learn from listening from their husbands and the other way around. To women what I advice you is to say what you fell and want and don’t linger around by saying things when you can just say it in one word. If you want your husband to kiss you tell him to kiss you and not making other situations and long script.
I am no family councilor. What I advice to each and every family is to form a council within the family. Each member of the family who has the capability can take turns to serve as the chairman to give each and every one a chance to say what he or she has to say and say the sentiments and regrets he or she has. Other members should just listen until one member is done that way avoiding others from jumping into conclusions and defending their turf.
Family is not just the happy parts, it also includes the parts were there will be pain, misunderstanding, and disunity. What is important is that in each of those times the family learns and becomes more united. Those tests should strengthen the family ore. Unity is inculcated by constant practice. Unity is also achieved by understanding the other’s situation and knowing when to give way for others. Respect and understanding are the key things in a united family and marriage just what my sister Liezl said. If you lose respect to your husband, parents or children, you will turn cold on them and as if they never existed every time they pass you. But what I also say is that you should always be positive that no matter how much respect is lost you always look forward to reconcile, to see the hope of reconciliation, and to be ready to accept ones fault. If once you closed your doors there is no turning back. Lines of communication and positive thinking or hoping will eventually make everyone understand. When a family is like this there is no problem that can’t be solve, everything is possible.
Life
Are you a dreamer? Have you ever have a chance to dream of things beyond your imagination. Have you already pictured the life that you want to live?
I was asked once what my dream or quality life is. Well for me I want to retire at 40 and devote my remaining time to doing things that will help others. If ever I have the chance to have wealth I would tour the world to help anyone I think who needs help especially in the Philippines. I would also do things that I have wanted to do in my life. Learn another language and read good books. You might say I have shallow dreams but I think otherwise. They say that if you keep on working until you die you might have spent all your time suffering without even enjoying the fruits of your labor; that would be a great waste of time. In short enjoy it while you can because life is so short.
On the other hand some people enjoy working. They feel alive when they are working. They want the nerve racking problems they encounter in their offices. They want the tight deadlines and the continuous demand to surpass what has been achieved in the past month. When I was in the seminary our spiritual director once ask me in front of the whole community how I excel in class. I said I enjoy the subject, I enjoy studying. So in order to excel in something you must have enjoyment in it or else you won’t pursue it. The advice of established businessmen to new entrepreneurs is to go to a business that they like and know most. Lack of knowledge and passion are the most common reasons why business fails.
So how will one enjoy his or her life while achieving the dream that one wants? Life will always be a roller coaster ride. You’ll never know when will you be slowly climb to the top or drop fast to the bottom. Be prepared to face what is to come. Plan ahead, if you want to retire at 40 just like me(I hope I do fulfill this dream so that I can fully dedicate my life in serving others in the way that I know)we should start accumulating our savings and correctly investing them so that when we retire money wont be our problem. Enjoy every moment of it. Store those memories in your head because you’ll need them when you grow old. You will be comparing your life back then and you’ll realize how beautiful life was. You’ll appreciate those days your parents were there to guide you. You’ll remember the giggles and teasing with your siblings or your friends. You’ll also cherish those happy and sweet moments with your beloved.
Life is a box of chocnut (just kidding) you’ll never know the surprises you’ll face.
Love
It is all that matter some say. Others say it’s the thing that makes the world go round. It is the bond that binds us all.
What really is love? What I want to discuss is the romantic or somewhat romantic kind of love. I say somewhat romantic kind of love since sometimes friends are in this kind of love and yet they are not as we think about. Right now I am listening to Sitti’s version of “I didn’t know I was looking for love”. In order for me to fully discuss this topic I think I would best start it by describing the feeling when you fall in love.
When you are in love based on my experience and on the stories I heard, you are crazy.
You just can’t stay and do nothing to be near the person of your affection. You smile when your idle mind suddenly thinks of the person. My sister is lurking around right now that I am writing this topic and she says that I am inspired. I cast a dubious and questioning eye on her and she says I am guilty of being inspired. Maybe I am in love because one of the symptom of being in love is that you are defensive and kind the aggressive if somebody else sense it in you not because you don’t want to be teased but you want to keep a secret from your center of affection. I have rare moments of emotional state because most of the time my mind is preoccupied with work. You feel happy even in the midst of unhappy times. Thus you are like a drunken person.
Love brings out the emotions in you. As the song goes “I was coy but you make me candid”. People have inner selves that are not brought out because of the barrier one places to protect one’s emotion. Love removes that barrier because when one falls in love he or she feels protected by the counterpart person. You tend to open up your very self to the object of your attention that is why when the relationship comes to the dreaded part of parting ways it is always a war. The other will accuse the other of things that are not true and the other will defend himself or herself by counter attacking. As I quote most text messages I received from friends “it is when you are hurt that you have truly loved.”
I already heard of some breakup stories. Some breakup or cool off mostly because of a third party. Others would reason because they have lost the affection towards their significant other. Some would say cultural and emotional difference, status and background difference, and age difference. Some is that they are so use up with the same routine in their relationship; while others because they are taken for granted.
I have also heard of surviving relationship after such breakups. They say that their relationship has surpassed the test of fire and that no matter what other hardship they will face they will remain strong. They can’t stand it when they are separated. Others say that if you are meant for each other you both end in the altar no matter what happens.
Others have sacrificial love. They let go to make their beloved happy in the arms of the other’s love. They are willing to have a miserable life for the sake of that beloved. Others will fight for their love against all odds. They would risk everything just for the love that they both cherish. Most movies have this kind of formula.
What if you already fell out of love and yet your guy or gal you left hold on and never let go. I heard this kind of relationship which they call open relationship. In this type you are open to be with someone else as long as you don’t commit yourself with that one because you have a relationship (I hope I got it right). This kind I think is not good. Both are in the losing end because if chances are that the other finds another the other will still hold on. It might not be good for the new one thus causing conflicts between the three of you.
Is it the feeling of being pampered or surrounded with outmost care that one loves to be loved? Is it the being the envy of others because you have a princess or a knight in shining armor which everybody would wish for? Is it the feeling of security in the strong arms of the man or the soft caring hands of your woman? The feeling of being in cloud nine or the feeling of being the luckiest person makes you go crazy with love.
But love is not just the feeling. I once heard a priest’s homily about love. According to him as I remember love is a choice. Choosing to be with someone in spite of the many differences and in spite of all the objection of the relationship and yet you stay in it. Each and every one of us has free will to chose who we want to love romantically. Our choices might give us the feeling that we want or lead us licking our own wounds, hurt and devastated. Up to what extend will you love if you know that there is a possibility that it won’t be the thing that you want?
So how will one love? I suggest love freely and truly. You can choose. So don’t be in a hurry to be with someone but at the same time don’t play with other people’s heart. Give your full love to the person in a way that won’t bar your judgment. Most people are blinded by love thus they suffocate their love one thus she or he will ask for space. Knowing a person in ordinary ways is not enough. You should know him or her in the most extraordinary moments. In this extraordinary situation their true identity comes out. Love to live. It is not just your choice but the choice of the other person.
Traffic
“Only in the Philippines” that’s what they say when foreigners would bear with us the rush hour drama of every day Filipino life. My office moved last October and the additional distance means additional cut in my sleeping time so that I woke up early in the morning to catch my train. From my apartment I have to ride the jeepney bound to Cubao and drop off Gateway Mall to walk to the MRT station which is in Fairmart. From there I ride the train to stop at Ayala station so that in turn I can ride the Fort Bus so that I will be at the area early in the morning. If I left my apartment an hour before work starts I will be caught in traffic especially in the MRT train where you don’t know how you will be able to get in due to the jump pack situation everyday.
That is just my morning ride. The other is when I go back home. I am fortunate when my officemate will be fetch from the office from the ungodly hour of our leaving the office but if time comes worst to worst I have to ride the Fort bus which takes time to come in the waiting area and MRT at Ayala station where a kilometer line is waiting for me each night and it will be a miracle when the line is just short. I drop off at Cubao station to take jeepney ride to rest back at home. Though this traffic is kind of annoying there were moments when you enjoy the ride.
There were times when the train is empty and you can grab a seat and enjoy the smooth ride of the train. You will be able to see the giant billboards along Edsa and laugh at catchy lines or the seductive pictures of endorsers. Or you will notice that a certain person is always on the same ride that you are catching thus it seems that you are as we call it “classmates” in that ride. There are times when you see someone from your high school years, elementary years, and a friend of your siblings, and somebody else that has been a part of your life.
Sometimes I have some friends who happen to be on the same way thus we spent the ride together and talk about our office work, the happenings in the office that day, and sometimes our personal lives. I f in case the train has been always full one of my friend suggested that we take a round trip. We rode the train on the other side and at the last station we let the others leave and we take their seats thus we have seats going to Cubao. We usually joke or tell our stories while enduring the added travel time but its okay; it is worth while time spending specially with people you trust.
Yes we have a worst traffic situation. The important thing is that you enjoy the ride. As one text message said “though we have bumps and turns the important thing is that we enjoy the ride of our lives.” Our lives will always have this certain traffic; it is we that decide when this ride would be happy. Enjoying it would be a good idea than to rant and blame others. Live life to the fullest and ride your way to your drams!
