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Saturday, July 14, 2007


“That is what family is.” My brother-in-law remarked while my other siblings and my niece and nephews where leaving for their respective homes. We just have some kind of family reunion and my sister’s thanksgiving for passing the US Pharmacy licensure. We all had a great time. Everyone was happy.

Maybe you already heard this definition of family, “Father and Mother I Love You.” How is your family? I don’t have the statistics but most of people I met today came from broken family. Many times I meet person with a family where each and every member understood each other. Most of the time, the father is not with the family because he has another woman or family. Or one of the siblings has rebelled against the parents. In some situation the children are not close to their mother or father who has work abroad for so long just to give the family a good living. Some those of my age are unwanted pregnancy back from college. Due to the inability to support or commit and the hatred of their respective families the parents of the unwanted child are always in constant war blaming each other and wish that they never met and at all.

To unite a family love is not enough to unite husband and wife. Many couples always put the blame to money but in reality money is not the problem at all. Besides the fading affection, the lost of respect is the common reason why families break up. Yes it is not enough for a man to feed his family and also it is not enough for a woman to be always ready to serve her husband and children. As I see it most people of today get married because of financial reason. Don’t get me wrong but I think most women do marry men who have something than to end up with someone who only has the promise of giving the stars and moon of the skies. Why you ask? It is security that matters most now a day.

Men on the other hand want someone who will serve them and fulfill all their needs. There were stories where a man separated with his wife due to her inability to conceive. I think it is even a ground for annulment. Men wanted to be treated like a king. He wants to dominate the house that is why there are so many men who resort to drinking and gambling when they feel that their wives are overtaking them. It hurt their ego to see that there queen has more powers in the house especially when the wife is the provider of the family. I had this one theory why many men are falling for prostitutes. Men who drink and sleep with prostitutes are those who cant find satisfaction with their wife because there wife don’t pay attention to them or that every time he comes home all he hears are his wife’s complaints and suspicion and constant comparison with their neighbor who just bought a new plasma tv and why cant her husband cant just even bring her to a fancy restaurant some time. He prefers the prostitute who hugs him and talks with him in the bar and who would fulfill his sexual desires than with his wife that only always talks and talks.

Next will be the children. Children these days are so demanding and spoiled. They won’t go to school if they don’t have this and that. They won’t study well unless you promise something in return. They stay up outside late when you tell them that they can’t stay up late as in “pasaway.” They do stupid things and you end up covering for their deeds to hide the shame and so many other things. I have another theory again on this. The children of today are the product of the parents holding back in the past. To think of it the youngsters of the past were always obeying their parents back then because they were afraid. They don’t want to be scolded or be renounce by their very family. The family’s name should not be brushed with shame or else they would lose their right in the family’s wealth. These feeling were hidden for so long that when they have their own children their children put those out right in there very face. I am not putting the blame to the grandparents, what I am pointing out here is that the children of the past didn’t know how to express their feelings thus those resentments were manifested to their children. The children of today on the other hand also don’t know how to express themselves because their very own parents are acting like their grandparents. They should know best on how to deal with it because they experienced it thus their children either goes to drugs, rebel, and end up with bad company because the parents never knew how to listen to them.

Now how can one then have a perfect family? But before you say something one word of caution, there is no such thing as perfect marriage and family. If you had a perfect family you are not here on earth you might probably in heaven. Problems will always exist. As I once said “life is like a chocnut, you’ll never know the surprises that come with it.” You don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or better yet what is happening right now. You also don’t know what your husband, wife, or children are thinking right now. So how will you know that? Communicate with them. It is through communication that one understands the other’s situation. But another caution, in a communication always removed those tags that you are wearing. What do I mean in that? When you talk there is no husband or wife, parents or children, you are always equal. Don’t say but, I tell you that most family can’t talk because they always assume authority. They have this childish thinking “you hurt me so you should be the one who is to say sorry.”
In a communication there should always be a dialogue not “daya at lugi” just what my formator always says back in the seminary.

Each and every part of the family must talk and not argue. Dialogue is a situation where each is given a chance to be heard and also a chance to listen. Often time’s people forget the listening part. They form quick judgment of their husband, wife, and children. The pointing fingers are always quick to blame. Most parents forget that they can learn much from their children if only they would listen. Wives also can learn from listening from their husbands and the other way around. To women what I advice you is to say what you fell and want and don’t linger around by saying things when you can just say it in one word. If you want your husband to kiss you tell him to kiss you and not making other situations and long script.

I am no family councilor. What I advice to each and every family is to form a council within the family. Each member of the family who has the capability can take turns to serve as the chairman to give each and every one a chance to say what he or she has to say and say the sentiments and regrets he or she has. Other members should just listen until one member is done that way avoiding others from jumping into conclusions and defending their turf.

Family is not just the happy parts, it also includes the parts were there will be pain, misunderstanding, and disunity. What is important is that in each of those times the family learns and becomes more united. Those tests should strengthen the family ore. Unity is inculcated by constant practice. Unity is also achieved by understanding the other’s situation and knowing when to give way for others. Respect and understanding are the key things in a united family and marriage just what my sister Liezl said. If you lose respect to your husband, parents or children, you will turn cold on them and as if they never existed every time they pass you. But what I also say is that you should always be positive that no matter how much respect is lost you always look forward to reconcile, to see the hope of reconciliation, and to be ready to accept ones fault. If once you closed your doors there is no turning back. Lines of communication and positive thinking or hoping will eventually make everyone understand. When a family is like this there is no problem that can’t be solve, everything is possible.

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