Help me in my dilema that is causing me a feeling of dilema

Now I got your attention. Actually right now I already feel ok. Yesterday I declined a good job offer from Coke Export. The job will be located in Canlubang, Laguna and the position offered was a Plant Cost Accountant. I just got back from my work in Antipolo City, I did a physical inventory of our explosives stock in the storage sites of our affiliate company. I came straight to Coke's office in Makati since this meeting with the Financce Manager for operations and with their HR was already postponed last Thursday since I just came back also from my work in Rapu Rapu Island, Albay. I was informed about the job offer while I was in Rapu Rapu. Iwas surprised when I was contacted because I'm was not expecting any call from Coke since I was already inform that I underqualified for the position. From that time on I drop off all my chances of being employed by Coke. A few days after that text message my brother in law in Guam came to the Philippines to look after some personal matters in Pampanga(he's from Pampanga) and me and my sister met up with him. He ask if we could help him in his company in Guam since we both have accountig backgrounds. Being without any commitment to local employment(my other application was with Sheel Shared Services but they haven't called me up to now) so I said yes to my brother's offer. We communicated to email and I asked him for the requirements. His lawyer has submitted a list of requirements and I readily provided those requirements then couried them asap. The head hunter who got me for Coke called me around late February and ased me if I can provide her with my latest payslip and 3 references. I was surprised since I dont expect any thing like that because they have already informed me that I was underqualified. But thinking it over my application in Guam might take a while so I gave her the things she needed the next day. I commented to her that I was already informed that I was underqualified and she told me that they have reconsidered me. From there i just left it that way not expecting anything from Coke. Then they called my references. There I was already thinking. If ever they'll hire me how about mt Guam employment. It was already on process. then the call came when I was in Rapu Rapu that I was scheduled for an job offer but I inform her that I am currently on a OB and that I'm not quite sure if I'll be back in Manila by that time. While I was in the Island, I stumbled on a mishandling of cash by our site manager. From there my mind was fixated on this problem. I cam back to Manila and have to report asap about the cash problem. Then my head hunter called me about the meeting I was to have at Coke. I told her that I am on a problem in our office that needs my full attention. The HR of COke also called and all I can do is to tell her that I have this thing in the office. While I was home bound I remenbered my COke job offer, I know its already late and probably its already early dawn in Guam but I managed to email my brother. the next day I went with my work with a divided mind wether to accept Coke's offer or not. Then I got my brother's reply. My application was 100% and if approved I'll be joining them in Guam by Oct or Nov this year. I thought about it. Then I decided to go to Coke see their offer and explain the dilema. I did that. The offer was good. I can earned about nearly half a million pesos in a year and with good benefits. Then the bad part came. I explained to the manager what has transpired and the decision I have come up to. They were stunned and frustrated. I told them that if ever they want to hire me it would be in a short period thus they will be wasting time and money on me since its evitable that I will leave them. The manager agrees with me but I think he was shocked since the position was really immediate because of the reorganization in the company. My head hunter called me while I was going home already and she was also shocked. I know she has a lot of explaining to do to her boss especially the "underqualified thing" since it came from her. I dont reallly blame her for that. She kept on digging on the reasons why I declined the offer because she'll confronted by her boss. I walked her through the events that transpired telling her that I have already said "YES" to my brother in laws offer for a job in Guam. She finally understand it and we said our goodbyes.

Now though I spved the dilema I was into right now I am still thinking. What if my brothers estimate will not come and that I will be able to work in Guam by next year. Lost opportunity right? But I dont want to take advantage of Coke's offer and leave them after taking their money. I dont want to be branded as a oppotunist.

Just want to share to you what's bugging my head. Hope you dont find it boring. LIFE GOES ON, ALL WE COULD DO IS HOPE FOR THE BETTER.

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Have you ever been lonely?

A good day to you my fellow friendsterer! Hope I find you in good spirit in this lovely Sunday. May I ask if it is not that much to ask if have you ever felt loneliness even in a very minimal amount of time?

Though life is suppose to be beautiful we cannot deny the fact that sometimes we feel the inevitable loneliness in our hearts! Maybe you have just broken up with someone you dearly love and as the gap between the present time and that hated day of break-up you feel the sadness in your heart. But that is not what I am feeling now. What I am feeling now is that I don't know how I feel. It pains me to be in this kind of situation were I don't know what to do or how to spend the entire Sunday. Yesterday I was given a chance to share my understanding of the Holy Trinity to a fellow Kerygmafamily Forum subscriber. She's from Indonesia and her problem was that she has no father figure in her life and thus she cannot picture the God the Father and because of that she thinks she is committing a sin. I was awed by this girls sincerity and eagerness to know about God. Yesterday I was very happy to be able to extend and help a fellow human who has a problem even through cyberspace. But right now I feel sadness because of the emptiness that I feel due to the lack of something to do. Today I have gone to my doctor for a follow up check up but it was just a quick time and I am left out doing nothing for the day. I miss the days of chatting with my friends, remembering our college days and teasing whose with and whose broken up in their relation. I hope you don't find my blog boring. I remembered my professor back then when he told the class that after college life would be boring thus one must not stop pursuing their passion and not allow your hands to be empty of work. I guess writing will be the only way I can fight boredom. Tomorrow I' ll be flying to Legaspi for my work. I'll be there for two and a half days. I hope when I'm there this loneliness will be shaken off.

Just want to share a thought to you, I hope you don't find this blog corny. Have a nice day!!

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Grief

I came home late due to the bad weather. I spent an hour waiting for the bus and took a train ride and rode a jeepney till I finally reach my house. It was Wednesday and it was Grey’s Anatomy’s day in our favorite channel. The episode was about the death of Ormaly’s dad.

Come to think of it, Ormaly is a doctor and he was presented with a situation he faces when one of his patients dies. He takes the place of the love one of a patient and he was place in a situation where he has to face the fact that his dad has no chance of recovery and as a doctor he knew it in the first place yet there is the “love one” in him that wants to reject all explanation. He can’t be the doctor who accepts the fact of death; he is now the son who has to fight that unacceptable truth. His mind will keep on questioning where was wrong.

In our daily lives we will face the same situation. We will be the person who knew the fact but yet we are also the same person who keeps on holding on and wont let go. Things will be difficult to accept yet it will happen no matter what you do. Death and taxes are the two permanent things in the world just like in the movie “Meet Joe Black.” Death is like a thief in the night. It comes when least expected and takes the precious things in our lives, our love ones. Mostly people are unprepared to die. When one learns that there time in earth has come to an end they try to spend quality time with there love ones. As if to compensate for the lost time when they are at work during there son’s first karate match, there daughter’s piano recital, there wife’s birthday, parents anniversary, and so many occasions which celebrates the beauty of life. They will complain why life is so short. They will be regretful of not giving attention. Same too with those who will be left behind. They will think of the what ifs. What if I was there so that mom should have not been knocked down by the door, I should have been there when dad had the heart attack I could have rush him to the hospital, I could have been there to save her.

Life has its end. No matter what we do. We grieve not because we lost someone but because we never had the chance to make a difference in a person’s life when in fact we have all the time to do it. We pity ourselves because we let all the chances we have just pass. One joke my brother said is that when we were still alive cannot afford to sleep in a very soft bed but when we die we are laid in a very expensive casket, gold or silver plated. This is irony of life.

Thus we the living should not let ourselves be drown in grief. It is a fact that we will all die, what makes a difference is how we make the most of our limited living years. No matter how long or how short one has walk the surface of the earth the only thing everyone talks about during the wake is how the deceased live his life. So I advice you not to waste our life, we must go on living and make a difference.

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Escape

Have you ever felt the feeling of just leaving everything and go somewhere where no one knows you. To be in a place where no one has high expectation on you, no one knows your weakness, and no one will bother you.

I read from Bo Sanchez’s books that as humans we need a time to be a part so that we can recharge our bodies so to speak. Jesus our Lord himself separates Himself from His disciples to recharge after preaching to the multitudes. If God does set time to rest and be just Himself, is it also for us humans. As they say “you cannot give what you don’t have.” You can not give time to others or even yourself if you are all exhausted thus one way is to escape. Escape from it all.

As for me, I do my escape by going to my favorite coffee shop to drink my coffee and search the internet or check my emails and listen to my favorite music. There nobody knows me, except for some of the baristas who already knew me as their constant customer, thus I have no feeling of being watch or being judge to be someone. I also jog on weekends in Riverbanks Marikina. I am shooting two birds with one stone, exercising and escaping at the same time.

The question is why do we escape? Do we escape from stress of our work, stress on our financial & family problems, or the boredom of life? I already experience boredom in life. I really hate because n matter what I do it seems that anywhere I turned to there is nothing. I constantly search companionship thus I text my old friends and classmates anything even in the middle of the night. Maybe I lack attention or that it seems that everyone has gone on with their lives and I am left alone. But don’t worry now I have already moved on that boredom by setting some goals in my life. We cannot escape it, things like this will come in our lives the only question is that are we going to let it take over our lives or are we going to face it and battle it out till we emerge victorious?

Most people’s escape is malling, eating, dating, or spending the time with someone. Problem is when you do this way your attention is either directed to the other person or thing instead of you. The problem is you thus the solution is in you. Back in the seminary we spend the whole Saturday evening in silence. We call it Silencio Magnum or Great Silence. In this activity no one is allowed to speak from six in the evening till the next day. The entire seminary is enveloped by silence that you can even hear the soft wind in the night when you are sleeping. We have our dinner at seven and a spiritual talk around 8 that will last for an hour. Then we pray our evening prayers and go to sleep. I love the silence. It relaxes and re-energizes the body. And it allows you to see yourself; to search the depths of your soul.

Escape to correct your mistakes, your faults, your flaws, and your hurts. After you have energized and fixed yourself you have the guts again to face the world. You have another chance to be the person that you are supposed to be and live life to the fullest as God has planned for you.

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Jogging

I got myself into jogging after noticing my growing waistline and when my company’s safety manager sends an email regarding the risk of overweight people. This was followed by the doctor’s findings when I went to our one project site for scheduled physical count. It has been a regulation of the company that when you step in the island. According to his check up I was overweight for my age and height. Thus I came to jogging.

I played basketball when I was in the seminary. I also engaged myself to table tennis and once tried tennis. Upon entering college (I left the seminary after graduating in high school), I never have any form of physical exercise like basketball. I resorted to yoga that made my back somewhat flexible but for some time I stopped and never got back. And when I started working, the more that I deprived my body of physical exercise. Thus I decided to jog every weekend, early morning on Saturday and late afternoon on Sunday, to make up for that exercise I needed.

My jogging course is from our apartment to Marikina Riverbanks and back. It’s quite long but as time passes it seems that the distance is just short. At first I made my round for more than an hour but now I think it takes me forty five minutes. My sisters and brother says that my jogging has no effect on my tummy but I think my feeling has become better. Brisk walking they say has beneficial benefits. I so decided to continue on jogging.

One thing I like most is the scene every time I jog. Every Saturday morning most people jogging are those in the middle age to old age people. Sometimes some cute girls are jogging. Some go there to play badminton. Some are people who spend the night there, mostly lovers, who enjoyed talking thus the sun rose up to them already. On Sundays the scene depends when there is a concert in the area. Mostly the people are family, group of friends, and some lovers who have there own places to talk. My brother went once with me jogging. He has a funny observation about the lovers that I was telling him. Most of them are maids, yayas, and drivers (no offense to them). He would say it’s because its day off. But I don’t care, I think its good that they have time to talk even just in a park were in they wont spend much for a date. As for me I came to enjoy my jogging time. I think I will continue it, to have a time observing other people who are happy in spite of their status of living.

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Relationships

How do you take care of your relationships? I mean not only the romantic relationship between a boy and a girl but relationship in general; friends, brothers, sisters, group, etc.

I have a friend who I cherish so much. She reminds me of my little sister that is why I always look at her as my little sister. I can talk to her everything under the sun. She also loves anime, my passion, and she is just so fun to be with for short talks from the ordinary events in our daily lives to the most intimate and serious matters of it.

Many people around us think that there is something between us that is why they always pair us. But I never look at her that way. Yes she’s pretty but I see her as someone to be a true great friend. We parted ways when she has to be in another place. At first we still communicated telling silly jokes and some quotes through text messaging. Due to our work and busy life we are not able to have time to talk just like we used to. I tried my best to catch up with her through phone in the morning before the work time rolls.

Time flies and we never heard from each other. I got busier and busier each day. I tried to text her sometime but I think she herself got busy with her job. Some chances came for us to talk over the phone but it seems we never have anything to talk about. It seems we never knew each other. That she is from a far away place that I can’t speak her language and that I can’t accept her culture. I do sent text messages sometimes but she never replies. Sometimes I think I send something awful or irritating.

I hope we have the time to talk again just like the old days. No holds bar for any topic under the sun. I miss her, my little sister friend. I hope my actions are not blocking her space. Maybe I am to much attach to her that is why she drives me away. Or maybe she has a different interpretation to my text messages or calls.

I miss her, I miss my friend.

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Doors(A night to remember)

First of all I will be violating my rules, to be exact two rules. First I violated my one word title format (I enclosed the supposed title in an open and close parenthesis) and second I will use mix language (that is English and Tagalog). Why do I do this you ask? Because this blog is for a special person. If ever she read this one out there, I hope she does, I hope she won’t be offended. Gusto kong magsulat ng medyo my komedy pero drama. To the special person I am speaking of hope she doesn’t mind my making her the center of my literary work(kung literary work ang tawag o klasipikasyon nyo sa blog format). Don’t worry my friend, our secrets are just ours(uyyy nakakainterestaing basahin tuloy kasi may secret kami hehehe). Promis at peksman Ate, secret lang natin un(ganito ang tinatawag na inciting to sedition as if you are attracting your readers to have interest in a story that they might not even understand(ang lalim at madami na kung naisulat wala namang sense o ma-say). Without futher ado I will be dispensing the story of a girl in my life.

She is an employee from an affiliate company. She was a hidden beauty(naks heavy words ate wag mo kung papatayin ha hehehe!). To put it short “ She’s a bomb” and muse of the office(sa kabilang opisina ewan ko lang dun sa isa ko pang Ate dun hehe). The first time I cast an eye to this lass was when they were incorporated to the company’s affairs(anong affairs kaya un(malay ko)).She was my office’s talk of the town. I never put so much interest on the matter because I was actually busy(uy malapit n ung monthend noon kaya busy na ko ere). But they eventually move in to the allotted space in our new office. When they move in it was an instant affair. Since being the “bunso” I was always teased to any gal wether it was a new young gal in the office or someone just new that might just pass by the office(wala lang trip lang nila ganyan kahirap kung ikaw ang bata sa office ikaw ang kanilang toy hehehe). I admit she was a head turner. Ate’s officemates joined in the teasing. But we, me and my ate, never bothered about it at first(pero sa totoo lang kinikilig ako joke!!!!!! Gusto ko lang magising ka sa pagbabasa alam ko kasing kanina ka pa nag-aantay nung secret hehehe ayos ba style ko dapat mag-comment na kayo sa style ko ng pagsusulat ala Bob Ong ba?At tsaka alam ko ung isa naming ate ang talagang kinikilig, you know who you are ate).I know she is distancing herself kasi alam nyang di sila titigil sa pangangantyaw. But gentle dog that I was I tried to create a win-win situation(dinadaan ko na lang sa patawa at alam kung magsasawa din sila).Hay naku bakit ba kasi dito ko start ang kwento boring na tuloy. Basta ganito sa office namin. Nagkaron na nga kami ng mga Ninong at mga abay, may ring bearer pa (sino kaya un?) ganyan kalupit sa aming office.Basta ganun un. (Any violet reaction?)

Sa taas ung comedy part of my story about this girl. Eto naman ang drama kasi sya daw ang Star Margarine(Ay sorry ate nadulas ang aking tongue).Since drama eto dapat ingles ok intyendi!

Amidst the joke and matchmaking, we were able to have time for seriously talk(we talk about the theme song of Teletubbies and wether Batman was washing his suit). She is a serious type of girl. I was a funny kind of guy but deep inside me I am serious(ei enough of me na this story is about you ate). Our friendship even got deeper since we are from the same province, we speak the same languages (that is English, Pilipino, Pangalatok or Pangasinan, and Katok). We smiled at each other when we meet and we talk about our childhood years. We talked about our lives and some of our common interest. I found out she’s not that too serious; it’s just that she is quiet and simple. As the time rolls on she gave her office a bomb. She resigned. She’ll be going to the land of Meteor Garden. I was also bewildered. She just moved in and I just got a new friend but she’ll eventually go away. Because of this the more we became closer. We became closer not as lovers (I know your anticipating it hehehe) but as a friend. She reminded me of my little sister friend(I think you know who she is already). I felt kind of hurt since I was starting to have a friend yet she’s going away. I don’t know why I felt that way. To think of it I am stone hearted. I am a Gemini born kid whose personality (if you believe in the Zodiac) is a kind of person who doesnt mind being alone and loves to go anywhere and do things alone. Alone but not a loner but this story is not about me, it’s about my Ate. Maybe I am at my what they call “Quarter life Crisis” I’m starting to be emotional already.

Maybe your wondering why I call her ate (which means elder sister in Pilipino). When I celebrated my 26th natal day she text me and she teased me that I was ahead again. In return I teased by calling her Ate and our unending war of telling whose old goes. It was funny. And I like it. I feel like I’m a kid again playing with my friend with unending teasing (I missed those years of my life). As the day comes near the more I teased her and so that she’ll not feel the fear of leaving. She says “ Ang kulit mo kuyahhhhhhhhhh!” and she laughs. We don’t only teased each other, we also talk about serious stuff in our lives(this time its about Superman). This is the secret part which I have no right to talk about it in this blog. Its her personal things so I leave it secret.

As I see her and analyzed her and her stories I knew she has a hard time trusting people around her. Thus the quiet personality that she has. But I was surprised because she opened her doors to a stranger like me whom she just personally met for nearly two months. I thanked her for the trust she gave to me, to consider me as her friend. Because of that the more that I became closer to her. It’s hard to find people who will entrust to you their whole being. But I found one in her, a true friend. I hope she also found one true friend in me too.

It was monthend then and as usual schedule is hectic. But her officemate(especially our ate) keeps on asking me if I could come to her despidida party courtesy of her direct bosses (special mention yehey!!!). I told them that I am not quite sure but I will try. And so I tried and it was a night to remember (Ayos ba timing ng words ko?) She barely spoke that night (alam ko medyo natetense na sya dahil bukas na flight nya). I tried all nick and naks to make her say something or smile or laugh. I warned her that she should put her toiletries in her language and not in her carry on bag. We spend time watching a live band and made all jokes and crazy antics to enjoy the night. Then we went home. She lives in the same direction as I was thus we were homebound to the same direction. We had those little serious chats about life and as a Big brother I gave her advice. We talked about things in our lives that we look forward to in life and we said our goodbyes and well wishes. I drop her off in Cubao and I went home around two in the morning. I was sad and I can’t contain the feeling of parting ways with a friend. There I realized that as we grow old we need people to be around us. I text my old friends at college and I thank them for considering me as a friend. I know they are astounded because it’s already in the wee hours of the night. Maybe I was touched by my Ate and her leaving cause sadness in my heart.

In the morning I barely got up. I am going to work that day because of the reporting that I have to do. As I sat at my bed I started to feel my eyes watery and in that instance I called my Ate. She didn’t answer the first call I made so I made another one. I didn’t sound good already when I was saying goodbye. For the first time in my life I was mushy. I looked funny. I just said goodbye twice I think then I cut the call. My ate thinks I got a cold due to my coarse voice. Then I text her saying that she’s making me cry. I told her I was sorry for making it difficult for her to leave. That day morning I will be washing my clothes, but when I got the chance to get up I called her. Don’t call me crazy I just kinda felt the feeling of missing someone. She said I am “Makulit” and she’ll miss it so much. I text her that I am not yet done teasing her so don’t be lax. I called her again and again because I know those waiting time are long. I ask her if she made sure that all things that I told her were done. I reminded her of the terminal fee. I asked her to keep in touch. She said she’ll put her number in roaming but it will be costly so she requested that I text once in a while so that she wont miss me (naks si ate talaga).

I was already in the Ayala MRT station when I called her the last time. In a minute she’ll be boarding her plane bound to Formosa. I heard the call to board and I told her that if ever she need me I am just a thousand miles away(hehe hehe) she can always text, email, or friendster me if ever she needs advice(pasensya na ate I can’t help you yet in financial matters, pareho lang tayong mahirap.) My cell load is all used up thus I text her to “ingat lagi and God never gives you a task that He knows you can’t handle”. She’s there now and I hope she’s doing well in adjusting there and doesn’t forget “big bunso’s chocolates” that’s me. I miss you ate hope this blog of mine would put a smile in your face. Your friends are just a thousand miles away (hehehehe wala tayong magagawa ate thousand miles away talaga), but we are always here specially me, your “malaking Mama friend.”

P.S. (meaning Pahabol Script)

1. I wrote this story in the wee of the night Ate hope you give comments to this one. You promise that you’ll make comments in my blogs. I will wait for those comments Ate hehehehe todo na to!!!!!

2. To all my other readers hope you like this one and you leave also your comments. Arigato guzaimasu!!!(tama po ba Nihonggo ko?)

3. Talagang hanggang dito itong kwento ko para di saying ang space hehehe!!

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Job

Our job keeps us afloat in the world were we struggle to survive. We wake up early in the morning to drag ourselves into heavy traffic of EDSA, fall in line in ques of jeepnies and buses bound to our final destination: OFFICE.

I guest we all ended up in our first job because we have to survive. It is either you were to ashamed to be under the turf of your parents after spending 6 years in a 4 year course in college or it is just that you want to prove to them that you are independent that is why you are having this job, a job not related to the course you took in college after several shifts. I once joke a friend why does she need to “ship” when all she needs to do is to take a tricycle. In the end we will just find ourselves working in an office underpaid and over task.

Passion drives us. I once read that if we could only be passionate in what we do we would be the happiest person in the world (just something like that I think?). If we are miserable with our work then I say that we are wasting all our energies and we have been long miserable because we need the job that we don’t like or enjoy. You grumble of the low salary and the mean mouth of your boss (your lucky if your boss is a good one, the one that knows how to listen, praise a good work, and financially considerate).

Then there will be times in the office which we call reorganization. What you fear is that you will be drop into a position that you never wanted or maybe you will be given a piece of paper offering you redundancy or early retirement. Every office has politics, if you don’t have connections you might end up being kicked out. So how will you improve your life in the office and do enjoy your job? Besides the pay problem which could be augmented by sidelines or if you are wise enough a manageable business, I think the other problem one faces is how one thinks of the job. If you think your job sucks it will be truly that bad. Try to search deeper what makes your job. Yes it is tiring no job is easy even not doing anything in the office is tiring. It could be the analysis part that keeps your mind alive, it could also the fascination of facing new problem to solve, or maybe just the beautiful relations of the team that you are in. If you don’t feel like that in your job I tell you are wasting your time in your job.

Yes we need to survive but as time passes you long for a passion that you dearly wanted. An unsatisfied craving will lead you to frustration and desperation. If you keep on feeding that frustration you might end up uncontrollable and worst crazy. Search within you the passion that you have and make that passion drive you. Just like a car you need fuel not only to keep on going but also in reaching your destination.

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